subject: Low Self Esteem Symptoms that a person didnt even noticed [print this page] Low Self Esteem Symptoms that a person didnt even noticed
If you suffer from low self-confidence (or have been told you do), or treat people with low confidence (or think you do), please read on. There are a fair few self esteem myths that can block your progress when attempting to lift self esteem.
Low self worth has been scientifically studied and the actual findings of this research helped inform the facts you'll come across here. (1)
Mark Tyrrell, co-author of the Self Confidence Trainer, completed an UK tours within 2002, 2003, 2004 & 2005 teaching thousands of health professionals the facts about self esteem and how you can treat low self esteem in the patients. He has also co-authored a book on self worth for Axis Publishing called The Giant Within - Maximise Your Self Worth.
As you can imagine, Mark would a lot of research for his seminar 'How to Lift Low Self Esteem'. He has listed his 10 most important 'Tips' for you here.
1) Low Self Esteem Not To Blame for being bad!
Firstly persons with genuinely low self-esteem, some sort of poor self image and low confidence, have been insensitively lumped together with bullies, narcissists, criminals and child abusers. No, really!
Popular assumption was that people did undesirable things to other people because they, themselves have low self esteem. However if you have ever asked yourself: "Do I have low self confidence" fear not. All the evidence items to the conclusion that low self-assurance is a distinct condition, so if you do have self esteem you don't have to feel which you are in the same group as bullies or abusers.
Research has found that people together with genuine low self esteem tend to be able to treat themselves badly not other people today. Stopping people being bullies by attempting to lift their self esteem may always be like trying to get an obese person to lose weight by way of feeding them lots more cake.
In the 1980's there has been a movement to raise self confidence in schools in the belief that this would stop bullies bullying and prevent future crime in society. Nevertheless peer reviewed research has shown schools trying to raise self regard don't prevent bullies bullying (couple of) (because low self esteem wasn't causing them to bully).
Artificially and ineffectively focusing on lifting self esteem doesn't raise academic performance either (3) As you'll see in fact 4 the methods schools attempted to raise self esteem may have even damaged the sense of self worth in those suffering genuine low self self-esteem.
Low self esteem is not accountable for nearly as many problems while has traditionally been thought. It has been also assumed that self esteem may never be too high.
2) Too high Self Esteem Linked in order to Criminality
It is now clear in which too high self esteem or 'High Self Esteem Disorder' is often more of a problem. (That is NOT merely a 'disguised' form connected with low self-esteem, as commonly assumed). So, if you are the victim of a bully then people can rest assured you don't should feel sorry for them.
Hundreds associated with pieces of reliable research now show that bullies and many criminals are much more likely to be able to suffer from unrealistically high self respect and impulse control problems than low self esteem. An exaggerated sense connected with entitlement - expecting much from many situations - is more likely to lead to frustration and aggressive, antisocial, or even criminal behaviour. In the event self esteem can be too low it can also be too high. It was a crazy in addition to unwarranted assumption that all human behaviour could be explained a technique by low self esteem.
So what are the symptoms of real reduced self esteem?
3) Characteristics of Genuinely Low Self Esteem
1. Social withdrawal
2. Anxiety and emotional turmoil
3. Lack of social skills and self confidence. Depression and/or bouts of sadness
4. Less social conformity
5. Eating disorders
6. Inability to take compliments
7. An Inability to find yourself 'squarely' - to be fair for you to yourself
8. Accentuating the negative
9. Exaggerated concern over what an individual imagine other people think
10. Do-it-yourself neglect
11. Treating yourself badly yet NOT other people
12. Worrying whether you have treated others badly
13. Reluctance to take upon challenges
14. Reluctance to put you first or anywhere.
15. Reluctance for you to trust your own opinion
16. Expecting little out of life to get yourself
So what is likely for you to cause very low self esteem? Tale a look at how for you to build self esteem. But one major factor is history.
4) Child Abuse Increases Likelihood of Low Self Esteem
People who were abused as children (physical beating or sexual abuse) are more likely to suffer low self worth as adults (6) They have learned that they are of little value in themselves or just simply an object to be used. They have been 'brain washed' by means of constant criticism or abuse that they are a certain way. When a person begins to question this former conditioning or brainwashing then any healthier and more accurate sense with self can begin to emerge. This kind of happens in a similar way in order to how people may break away from the brainwashing of a cult. There are other forms of abuse and certainly a history regarding being heavily criticized or unfavorably compared to others can lead to help low self esteem ("why can't you be more like a person's brother!").
Former abuse may lead to be able to post traumatic stress disorder which maintains the sense of "damage" and low self worth. Once traumatic memories are dealt with effectively the particular mind becomes clearer to form some sort of better self esteem. So what else does the low self self-esteem sufferer need?
So past conditioning (often but not always from childhood) can produce low self confidence in adults. But why didn't the drive to raise self confidence in school kids (starting in California with a legislature to raise self esteem) prevent childhood depression and low self esteem from rising?
5) You Can't Argue Someone Better!
The 1980'vertisements drive to raise low self confidence in schools backfired (4) Why? Properly it was based on the idea that low self esteem could be successfully treated by a bombardment of "positive messages". But research has shown that positive affirmations actually worsen the mood regarding people who already have low self worth (5). It seems that positive thinking as a "blunt instrument" used repetitively to try to brainwash people to feel better about themselves is too superficial an approach. And the individual with low self esteem senses that.
Telling someone they are great or maybe wonderful when they are constantly negative about themselves will not deliver the results. Imagine if you really detest on your own and someone tells you that you actually're lovely even as they usually are telling everyone else the same thing.
In fact people with low self esteem can be upset by disconfirming feedback. Healthy self esteem needs in order to emerge subtly, not as a sudden result of hearing you are 'really special' or 'fantastic'.
Paradoxically, staying "too nice" to someone with incredibly low self esteem can drive these people away. People need to develop far better self esteem gradually, through "proof" in the real world. Just being repeatedly told (by someone who doesn't realize you that well) that "you're wonderful" has never been determined to work in lifting low self esteem.
Whenever we're highly emotional our own perception is distorted. When people calm down around the idea associated with themselves then a healthier self-regard can emerge like a green island coming into view when mist clears.
What else do those with low self esteem need?
6) A Little More Uncertainty Can Help
Contrary to popular opinion, people with low personal-esteem tend to be very sure of themselves. That's this problem. This manifests in their conviction that they are worthless or maybe inadequate. As you will know in the event that you have ever tried to argue with someone who puts themselves down continually, it is extremely hard to do! When someone using low self esteem starts to turn out to be less sure of their own opinion of themselves and therefore begins to assess counter evidence regarding their worthlessness, their self image begins to become more balanced. At first the "ugly" duckling was certain it was a failed duck but that misdirected certainty got to loosen before it's real life direction could become clear.
Good self esteem is actually any by product of living in a nutritious way. So rather than trying in order to raise it directly it's easier to focus elsewhere (such on what a person does) and permit self esteem rise as happy side effect of a change in living. What do we all need in life that will support us incidentally feel better about ourselves?
7) Build on Solid Foundations
For anyone to be psychologically and physically healthy then core needs have to be fulfilled. Being clear about what a person need and making efforts to satisfy those needs constructively means you'll naturally have better self worth as a by-product of living well.
This is useful list of basic human needs:
1. The need to give and also receive attention
2. The need to help look after your body.
3. The need for meaning, purpose and goals.
4. The need for the connection to something greater than ourselves
5. The need for creativity and stimulation
6. The need for intimacy and connection to be able to others.
7. The need for any sense of control
8. The need for a sense of status and recognition from others.
9. The need for a sense of safety and security
Naturally, it is likely that at any one time, one or more of these may be slightly lacking in your life, without dire consequences. However, in the long-term, they must all be catered for one way or another.
Something else the "low home esteemer" needs is the capacity for you to focus off their own emotionality as well as merge with experience so they gain more enjoyment from life.
8) Healthy Pleasures Are Vital
Any time you have a healthy level connected with self esteem (not self hating nonetheless not narcissistically self involved either) subsequently you find it easier to actually forget about yourself. You'll only think about your toe if it's in discomfort or if you are obsessively proud of it-otherwise it may take care of itself. It'utes the same with your sense associated with self.
We all need to engage in activities which we enjoy and in which we may 'lose ourselves' regularly.
Someone's mental plus even, to some extent, physical health can be directly related to how 'self-referential' they are within their conversation - as people become healthier they use the 'I' word less (7), in the same way that when your knee stops hurting you don't need to rub it any far more. People should be encouraged to focus their attention away from themselves and this becomes easier once they have met their own basic emotional needs in healthy ways.
We all amplify some parts of our experience and minimize others. But if we habitually carry out this by expanding the bad stuff and linking that to self confidence whilst belittling the good stuff distancing positives from self esteem after that it doesn't take a rocket scientist (or even a psychologist) to see that low self esteem will result.
9) Make the Most of Success
Low self worth requires a particular attitude towards success. Whenever you succeed at something, you must 'write it off' as good luck, chance, or someone else's responsibility.
To gain some sort of more realistic view of yourself, you actually need to take appropriate credit with regard to your successes. In the Self Confidence Trainer, we call this skill 'Converting'.
This involves learning how to convert real successes into statements with regards to your self. The other part from the picture is to view perceived failures as temporary and not statements manifestations of your 'core identity'. When you stop discounting things that go well and magnifying stuff that doesn't go thus well you are less likely to get depressed or suffer low self confidence. Period.
Low self esteem treatment should consist of a balance in between teaching new thinking, emotional and behavioural skills. See: How to Boost Self Esteem
Ultimately a healthy balance should be encouraged as should the development of real practical skills such as how to be assertive and build a social life.
10) It's not just with regards to Positive Thinking!
Positive thinking can possibly be useful in that it challenges people to form a different view about things. However, most of the time frame it just takes the form regarding arguing with yourself, and as we've seen from 4) above, the following doesn't work.
Low self esteem may drive us to constantly as well as negatively compare ourselves to other men and women. As self esteem rises to a proper level you'll find that a person do this much less. Check out this 'do you have an inferiority complex?' for more ideas about how to stop negatively comparing oneself to others.
To change your do-it-yourself image and improve low self worth, you need to believe in an alternative opinion of yourself through practical experience, not just repeat platitudes about the way great you are really! After all in the words of a wise man: "If you are not really for yourself then who else will probably be?"
