subject: Confessions Of A Flight Attendant I [print this page] Confessions Of A Flight Attendant I Confessions Of A Flight Attendant I
I understand that not all passengers in the aircraft fly frequently. So as a flight attendant, it is my duty to assist. However, people mistakenly assume that we are more than what we are supposed to be. Please know, with all the love for my career, that we are not nannies, porters, waitresses, cleaners, babysitters or worst, your personal servants. We are mainly devoted for your safety. The rest comes secondary. My colleagues and I have gone through a lot with the secondary part, from dealing with different personalities onboard, answering queer and annoying requests, correcting old age notions of flying and just being in a hysterically funny situation.
How do you wear your seatbelt? This is plain common sense but a minority is still incapable of fastening that seatbelt. Before a flight takes off, a safety demonstration which is totally ignored is being audibly played for passenger's information. For everyone's sake, to fasten the seatbelt, insert the metal flap and attach the two ends. It should be worn comfortably under the belly, around the hip area. I have a funny picture of a passenger wearing his seatbelt like how we wear it in a car. I'm afraid to share the link but you can imagine what I'm telling you, right?
How do you get rid of your toilet waste? There are bins on the side and a flush button. If you couldn't find any of these, please press the eject button so we may not have to deal with you.
Luggage. The airlines have certain specifications for hand carry bags in terms of size and weight. If by any chance the check in agent failed to notice your oversized or heavy luggage, do not give the flight attendant a backache by letting her put your things in the overhead compartments. We do not carry your things as much as you don't carry ours. You were able to bring it from your home to the boarding gate, how is it that you cannot put it where it belongs? Once in my flight, I had to assist an old man with his briefcase. It turned out to be as heavy as my suitcase for a four day layover! "What's in it?" I asked with a smile. He smiled at me and replied, "Just clothes." I was thinking, "More like wet clothes."
Sometimes, I couldn't smell my own fart. Did it happen to you in any of your flights before? It happened to me so many times. Taking a bath before the flight must be written in the printed part of the ticket under the dangerous goods section. Don't they have soap and water at home? A smelly passenger can pollute the entire zone and can cause nausea or vomiting. What about if you have loads of them? I'm sure you won't be able to smell yours also.
I can't remember all your special requests. The memory span of a flight attendant is greatly reduced when she is flying longer and farther. Plus, if there are more than ten lighted call buttons, I can't be your superwoman. As much as I want to give all that you are asking from me, understand that I can forget but still doing my best.
If your feet stink, put your shoes on. This is quite self explanatory.
Can't you see I'm eating? The written rule says that flight attendants can't eat during the service. After we have nourished you with the airlines frozen then reheated preserved food, it's time for us to eat...the same thing. Some people who were sleeping during good manners and right conduct (GMRC) class needed to be instructed that if a person is eating, leave him be until he finishes his meal. Unless, you are suffering dehydration, I will give you your water. Unless, you are having a diabetic attack, I will give you your mango juice. Unless the aircraft is on fire, there's no need to have another bite. Otherwise, please let me be for 15-20 minutes.
We don't serve water at room temperature. We serve hot, cold or lukewarm potable water. For any other preferred water temperature, ask from a coffee shop or restaurant.
We offer choices. A friend of mine shared his story.
Flight attendant: Hello sir/madam! Would you like to have a drink?
Sir/Madam: What are my choices?
Flight attendant: Yes or no.
This may be a bit harsh if you were the passenger. But if you were in the same row where the choices have been reiterated for two to three times, what were you doing? Sleeping? Oh well, part of the job!
I don't mean to undermine or discriminate. I make it to a point to find humor in the most annoying circumstances I have ever been to. If I can't, then I say to myself, "All in a day's work of a flight attendant."
I have yet more to share. Another batch of confessions will be made in a few days. I hope I made you smile. If you aspire to become a flight attendant like me, I hope I inspired you instead of turning you off. Remember, work becomes lighter if you are having fun.
