subject: Association & Disassociation [print this page] Association & Disassociation Association & Disassociation
Associated & Disassociated using NLP to handle inter personal paradigms
This guy in HR was transferred from our regional office to corporate office couple of months back to support me in the HR Operations.
Manoj was a very conscientious professional thorough with his data compilation and analysis. In many respects he filled in my inadequacy .I am quite poor with figures - no pun meant here!!!
Jokes apart, he was like my Man Friday ready with the inputs especially during my HR review with the units and the regions.
And then just a few days back he called me up saying "Boss I want to talk to you "
I knew what conventionally comes through after such short conversation and when we met during the tea break he announced the breaking news "I want to go ". What followed were those quite a bit of back and forth on what, why, how and a host of questions from me and unanswered silence from his end.
After an hour long ordeal, I finally concluded "Ok you want to go, fine with me, but I cannot relieve you earlier to 2 months. You just can't walk out in 10days time "
The next few days, I was seething with anger the typical manifestation off frustration and helplessness and was quite pissed off with him. My irritation was more obvious with my body language.
I avoided making any conversation with him and every time he said ""please can you relieve me so that I can join the new organization" I was just not even listening to him much less responding
This went on for a few days till during one of our mono syllabus conversation he mumbled "this is what I get after 8 years of service to this organization "
That set me thinking and in the course of the day I went across to his desk and said "Manoj, can we meet over a coffee at Coffee day?". He was too pleased and we met and chatted.
It was over 3 hours; coffee sandwiches and again coffee, we lost count.
I was listening to his life journey in the organization his struggle, challenges, and his exalted moments when he got those merit certificates and awards and promotions.
That was a great feeling to get myself empathetically associated with his life journey. More than this, what I also experienced was the unconscious way this association created my disassociation with the recent events his resignation and his hurry to move on to the next assignment.
Even as he talking to me, I felt bad about my angry reaction to his resignation and more about my no mercy and by the book approach of 2 months notice pay "
Here I was conveniently getting associated with the recent events of his decision to quit the organization and wanting to go soon rather than connecting with his long and meritorious service to the organization.
I could experience the switch that was happening: from anger to empathy, from indifference to concern and from self centered mindset to more humane and professional perspective.
When this paradigm of association shifted, my stand too shifted from stiffness to softness
I opened my eyes of understanding
As we got up and I paid the bill, I said "Manoj, how long you think you can stay back ..When do you need to join the new company "
He said "I will be happy if I can be relieved by the end of the month "
We shook hands calling it a done deal and also wishing each other well
Mohan M Prasad
Post Script: Of course there are occasion when we need to stay with the associated feelings in the greater interest of self or the other person with whom we are interfacing to create a sustained impact while making interventions especially in the Role of a Coach /mentor.
