subject: Why Has Your Marriage Gone Stale? [print this page] Why Has Your Marriage Gone Stale? Why Has Your Marriage Gone Stale?
Why has your marriage gone stale? At some point, however far back you first saw each other. Maybe it was love at first sight, or maybe you took a bit of time to get to know each other. You both must have liked what you saw because you ended up in a committed relationship. After a while you both realised that you wanted to spend the rest of your lives together and you got married. You both lived happily ever after, the end.
Well, actually, marriage is not the end, it is the start of your real relationship. Prior to getting married, although you were in a relationship you could have walked away, it is a lot more difficult to do that now. Whilst you were single, your thoughts and actions were on the whole directed for what was best for you, you cannot do that now, another person has entered the equation. There is no automatic happily ever after, happiness does not come automatically just because you got married, you have to work at it.
You could be together for decades so it is in your interest to keep your marriage alive. That sounds serious, but look at it another way, if you both work at building a loving, fulfilling, happy and contented marriage, do you think that you will enjoy those decades?
Why has your marriage gone stale? You need to identify your problems, deal with them, then look at how to make you marriage even better.
I would say that in most cases there are probably 3 main problems:
1. Lack Of Communication
A lack of communication has been identified as one of the main contributors to marital and relationship breakdowns. Communication first drew you together. It was communication that helped you to get to know each other better. And it was communication that drew you down the path to marriage. For your marriage to succeed you need to be open and honest with each other, you need to be able to share each others lives. If you do not communicate, what do you have that ties you together? Why has your marriage gone stale? Because you have let the spark die out.
2. Not Spending Quality Time Together
It does not matter if you have kids or other commitments, you have to spend quality time together. You two are the most important thing in your marriage, without you there is no marriage. You bring up your kids so that they can leave you. The one sure constant is the two of you, you could be together for decades so make sure that you enjoy, and make the most of your time together.
Spending You time together helps to bring you closer and strengthens your bonds. It gives you the chance to enjoy yourselves, and to take pleasure in being in each others company. It does not matter what you do, go on a date, go for a walk, take a class, or just curl up in front of the T.V together. What matters is that you are happy and enjoying yourselves. To make life more interesting you could try sharing interests, or doing new things together.
3. And as a result of the first 2, Familiarity Breeds Contempt.
It can happen that as you get more used to each other that the excitement starts to wear of and you start to take your marriage for granted. Nothing is special, you just go through your routines, you put nothing into the marriage and you take nothing out. If left unchecked this can destroy your marriage.
Why has your marriage gone stale? Because you took it for granted, because you did nothing to make it work, because you let the bonds between you and your spouse start to fade away. When you were dating and getting to know each other you must have had some fun, and talked for hours. Having fun and talking does not have to stop just because you get married, if anything, it should get better because you are now much closer together. Do not waste your marriage spending time growing apart, instead do what you can to create the best marriage possible.
