subject: Make Your Marriage Work After An Affair [print this page] Make Your Marriage Work After An Affair Make Your Marriage Work After An Affair
You started out as loves young dream and before you knew it you found yourselves in a committed relationship. There must have been something between you because you reached the stage where you wanted to spend the rest of your lives together. The honeymoon period slowly drifted of and you found yourselves back in the real world. After a while you became used to each other. You stopped doing the things that had brought you together, if anything you had started to take the marriage for granted. Being married to each other was no longer the ultimate symbol of your love, it was just something that you were, married, there was no spark, no excitement, come to think of it, you might even say it was boring. And then one day either one of you found yourselves in a situation that you did not walk away from. Can you make your marriage work after an affair? Yes you can, but you both have to want it and be prepared to commit to it.
It is possible that you were blissfully unaware of their being any problems in your marriage. You might have thought that life was good, up until the point that you discovered the affair and your whole world collapsed around you. It must have hit you hard, anger, grief, confusion, fear, uncertainty, depression, loss of self-confidence, all the negativity in the world seems to have crashed down on you. No matter how bad you feel, please do remember that none of this is your fault! Your spouse took the conscious decision to have an affair, you are the victim in all of this. And being the victim, you are the one who suffers the most. You can make your marriage work after an affair, but it will be a long and difficult journey. The good thing is, that once you have found a way through all the negativity you can make your marriage stronger than it ever was.
You are going to have a major problem with healing your marriage. One of the main foundations of a happy, successful marriage is trust. It will be a long time before you can ever trust your spouse again. If you want to save your marriage you cannot afford to wait for trust to reform. You will have to start healing your marriage before trust reforms, and that could take a major leap of faith in your spouse.
Do not try heal your marriage until you have regained some control over your emotions. The emotional turmoil that you are going through will not leave you able to make rational decisions over major decisions. In the heat of the moment you could also end up saying something that you will regret. You need to be able to deal with things calmly, if you cannot, then take a time out until you are more in control of yourself.
You can make your marriage work after an affair. Look at where things went wrong and how things can be done differently. It is highly unlikely that you will have a similar perspective on what has happened. Listen to what your spouse has to say, just as they need to listen to you. And just because you do not agree with something that has been said, it does not mean that it wrong. In fact, you could have different perspectives and both be right.
In order to make your marriage to work after an affair you need to develop the right type of mindset. As you start to work at healing your marriage, try and make your marriage better than it ever was. Try rebuild your marriage into the union that you had always hoped for. Consciously look for ways to improve things. This is not as easy as it sounds. It could take months before things are back on track, and during that type you both have to be alert to any problems, and be their to support each other.
Once you start to rebuild your marriage there is two vitally important things that you need to do, you have to spend quality time together and you have to communicate. Communication is what brought you together, if you no longer communicate and share your lives, then what do you have that holds you together? No matter how difficult it is, you have to spend quality time together, just the two of you at least once a week. It does not matter what you do, what matters is that you both enjoy it and that you enjoy your time together. You are never to old to date, nor are you ever to old for romance. This strengthens your bond and lets you enjoy being with your spouse. You could be together for decades so enjoy your time together.
