subject: How to Stop Worrying About What Other People Think [print this page] How to Stop Worrying About What Other People Think
Have you ever stayed in a job or relationship that had gone sour, because you were anxious about how your family would react to you quitting?
Does it sometimes seem like your life is being hemmed in by your need to pleaseother people, toe the line, and win approval?
Many of us get anxious about what other people think of us. This is only natural: for centuries, social survival has depended on keeping to a narrow set of rules. But today, our options in the Western world are much more open: you won't face a prison sentence for coming out as homosexual, for instance, and women can have the same education and jobs as men. It's great news - we can't be damaged or harmed by other people thinking that their lifestyle is "right" and that ours is "wrong".
Yet too many of us still creep around on eggshells, second-guessing ourselves because we're worried what our friends, family and society will think of us.
You Don't Know What They're Thinking
Here's the thing, though: you can't possibly know what someone else will think, and you often have little idea of what their experiences have been. Perhaps you're convinced that your happily-married, family-focused parents will be horrified if you tell them that you're thinking about getting a divorce. You might find out that they've faced difficult times in their relationship - or that they disliked your partner all along, but kept quiet for your sake.
There's no effort more wasted than the effort of worrying and guessing at what someone else might think of your actions.
It's Your Life - Not Theirs
Even if you know full well what someone thinks (eg. your father has told you that you must study law, or your mother has said she'd disown any child of hers who joined the army) - you need to remind yourself, and possibly them, that it's your life. You're the one who has to live it.
Be willing to listen to other people's advice - but accept that it's your responsibility to decide whether or not you want to accept that advice. Don't let a parent, spouse or colleague bully you into a course of action that makes you unhappy. If you know what you want, go for it: you'll be surprised how often people will come round. They may even be secretly impressed to see you standing up for what you want to do.
What one (legal!) thing would you do if you knew that no-one would think badly of you for it?
Ali Hale is a postgraduate student of Creative & Life Writing, and a freelance writer working for several large blogs. She also runs her own blog, Aliventures, writing in-depth articles on "getting the most from life".
