subject: Communication to Save Your Marriage [print this page] Communication to Save Your Marriage Communication to Save Your Marriage
"People say conversation is a lost art; how often I have wished it were". - Edward R. Murrow
Behavior is motivated by emotion. Emotion is expressed verbally and non-verbally. Feelings of sadness, loneliness, shame, fear, anger and distrust are conveyed non-verbally in the form of gestures, body language, countenance (facial expression), mannerisms, etc. and verbally, as in rage, resentment, often bitter and harsh language opening the doors to verbal abuse, and closing the doors which enabled you to relate to each other constructively. Non-verbal communication is much quicker than words, but equally as effective.
These expressions of hurt and pain are an indication that personal needs are not being met. Needs which are not being met in the relationship will manifest themselves as discomfort, resentment, insecurity, and ultimately trauma. Frustration and anger become internalized, and left unresolved, contribute to harmful internal symptoms of internal trauma . These feelings need to be expressed in a way that can be heard, and properly addressed. Listening to feelings and concerns in a mutual setting, will help to clarify your understanding of each other with objectivity and accuracy.
Constructive communication involves having the patience to identify and express emotions genuinely, without the display of negativity that comes with arguing and rejection. Healthy communication and behavior on your part can be influential to your partner (and others around you). By sharing your feelings and concerns in a calm and honest way, your partner will recognize the emotional asset that the marriage truly is to you. Your genuine concern, and desire to convey, the importance that your marriage and your love always held for you, will be clearly heard and understood. In turn, your partner will be able to clearly listen and respond without having to become defensive. Chances are that true feelings will be understood, and true motivations and priorities will be revealed.
Communicating in this way will allow your shared values to resurface. Your effort to support yourself and your values will stimulate support in return. You will be able to move forward now that you have found common ground. Problems can be identified, and solutions become available when focus is on the facts. Finding common ground provides a setting where both of you are able to come to conclusions rationally, while remaining open to ideas that provide insight into how to save your marriage.
You value the friendship, loyalty, love and security that a solid marriage has to offer. You have confidence in your ability as a couple to get past the insignificant, petty things that tend to overshadow the real issues but nevertheless end up getting the most attention. Recognize them for what they are, and distinguish them from the deeper, more significant values that are fundamental to your lives together as husband and wife.
Marriage is a two way street. In the beginning you admired your partner for all the things that you share in common, but also for his or her uniqueness as an individual. Accepting each other as individuals again requires the understanding that over time we grow or evolve individually, and that our relationship has matured right along with us. This is most often misinterpreted as he changed, or she changed. You didn't change nor did you change each other. Your interests and expectations have broadened as you continue to gain experience and wisdom. Supporting each other and respecting your differences is critical in making your attempt to save marriage more attainable and even successful.
