subject: 4 Ways To Get Support From Your Woman Without Feeling Like A Big Wimp [print this page] 4 Ways To Get Support From Your Woman Without Feeling Like A Big Wimp
By Otto Collins
Andrew has had a rough year. He lost his job, started a new job-- at a significant cut in pay, his brother was involved in a near-fatal accident and he's developed an ulcer.
His sense of self worth has taken a steep nose dive.
Andrew's wife tells him that she's here for him and that she wants to support him, but he continually tells her that he's fine and is handling it all. This isn't completely true.
Inside, Andrew is falling apart. He is tense, exhausted and ill a lot of the time. He knows that he isn't being the kind of husband that he'd like to be. He also doesn't know how to get the kind of support that he secretly yearns for...without feeling like a big wimp.
If you're like many men, you may have been raised to believe that a sign of manliness is to take care of yourself and others. You may have been taught that the man holds it all together, all of the time. He is strong and doesn't show signs of weakness. He most certainly doesn't need much (or any) advice or help from others.
Conversely, you may have grown up with the impression that a weak man is one who falls apart when there's a challenge. The "wimp" is portrayed as one who can't manage to make it through his life without someone else to hold him up.
Even if this wasn't what you were raised to believe by your family, you might be familiar with these kinds of messages from the media.
A wonderful sense of direction, focus and achievement can come from facing down adversity and figuring out a problem by yourself.
However, this isn't always realistic and it also isn't always ideal.
When you're in a love relationship or marriage, the willingness to both give and receive support can be the tie that keeps you and your partner's connection close. If you are in a difficult place in your life and you shut your woman out (emotionally and/or physically), the relationship will inevitably suffer.
Here are 4 ways to get support from your woman without being "wimpy."
#1: Be honest and real.
Your reasons for keeping it a secret from your partner that you're struggling may be well-intentioned.
You might not want to "dump" on her. You may not want her to worry about something that involves her as well. You might not want her to see you like this. You may be worried that she'll be turned off if you show what you see as a weakness.
These concerns that you have are valid, but they aren't necessarily accurate. You don't really know how your woman will respond to your need for support...until you ask for it and receive it.
When you do open up to her about how you're really doing, don't apologize. Be honest and keep it real. Stick with the facts about what is going on and also how you are feeling about that.
#2: Take responsibility for your role.
It's not going to help you move through this challenge and it's not going to help your partner to better support you if you blame all of the situation on someone or something else.
Yes, of course, there are probably all kinds of things (and people) who have contributed to this difficulty, but they aren't usually the key to the improvement you seek.
Own your share in whatever is going on. If you can't see what that is, take some time and open up to seeing that.
When you do this, what you're probably going to discover is that you're not as helpless and the situation is not as hopeless as it once seemed to be. When you take responsibility for your role, you can also start to identify some actions you can take to possibly turn things around.
#3: Be specific and clear about the support that would help.
As you get a little more comfortable with your partner giving you support, be sure you help her know what would be of most benefit to you.
You might need her to spend more time with you-- listening to you, giving you her opinion, just quietly holding you or maybe even doing something fun together.
Instead, you may require more time by yourself than you normally take. Giving you space-- and understanding that this isn't about her-- can also be a way that your woman supports you.
Take the time to ask yourself the question, "What do I need right now?" Then, if there's something concrete and specific that your woman can do to help with that, ask her if she's willing.
#4: Receive and appreciate what she gives.
Keep encouraging yourself to open up and receive the support that your partner is giving to you. If you haven't been clear about the kind of support that you need, she might be trying to help you, but it's not what you want.
As difficult and stressed out as you may feel, at least acknowledge that you've got this person in your life who loves you and who is trying-- as best as she can-- to help you.
Appreciate what she is trying to do to help you and, if necessary, be specific (give examples) about what you really want right now.
