subject: Relationship Advice - How To Improve Communication With Your Partner [print this page] How can you improve communication if you are working alone?
This is a tall order, but if you try to be a good communicator you will probably find that your partner changes his/her style of communication in return. He/she will find it difficult to oppose you, to have an argument or to cause tension, if you decide to respond in a new and different way for example by agreeing with him/her. What it takes more than anything is for you to show consistency, and if you can be persistent in using all the skills of communication and negotiation, you will find that, even if you are working alone to improve the situation, your relationship can't be quite the same as it was before.
Should you tell your partner what you are doing?
Usually it is best to be open with your partner even if they are uncooperative, and if you explain the way you are trying to work, it may be that you will persuade them to work with you. However, it is still possible to manage changes in communication without their cooperation, and the bottom line is that if you want to change things badly enough you will be able to do it.
Can you manage to negotiate with your partner without their cooperation?
Again this is a difficult one, but you have to see the negotiation as a way of altering the way that the two of you interact. If you are consistent in keeping to your plans, you may be able to see a difference in the relationship as your partner realizes that the new arrangements have some benefit for them also. For example, if your partner complains that you never clear up your papers, you could say that you will clear them up conscientiously if he/she agrees to tidy the bedroom. You continue to clear up your papers and if there is any improvement in the state of the bedroom, however slight, you praise him/her for it.
The relationship is likely to be less tense because of the increase in effective cooperation, even though your partner may say that he/she hasn't changed. Also, your morale will be improved because you are doing something active to improve the relationship, rather than just accepting that there is nothing you can do. If small changes are noticed you will feel that there has been some justification for the work.
