subject: Something to think about [print this page] Something to think about Something to think about
Something to think about
One of the most important questions that I had to ask myself after my divorce was this: Why do I think the way that I do when it comes to people? You may say, what do you mean by that? What I mean is this: I used to have a tendency not to believe what people would say about themselves.
I would overlook what they were saying as just mere exaggeration because I hadn't personally seen the character trait they were talking about displayed yet. For example, I remember one young lady that I was dating after I had gotten divorced telling me how mean she was. I laughed and said that you are not mean! A few months later guess what I found out; she was mean! Why did I do that? Why did I ignore the truth of what this young lady told me about herself? I discovered a major reason that I did that is because of the fact that I am a minister that will eventually be a pastor.
This for me means that I have a tendency to see the best in people, even when they don't see the best in themselves. I had to learn the hard way through my first marriage, as well as the story that I just shared with you, that when a person tells you who they are believe them! The same holds true for us. When we have more than one person share with us something in our character that needs to be changed, then we really need to sit down and evaluate what they are telling us. That is why this time of self reflection and evaluation is so critical. You have gone through a traumatic experience.
You will need time to heal from it and learn the life lessons that come from that situation. If you don't learn the lesson then you may be doomed to have to repeat the course again! I mentioned in my book "Healed Without Scars" that I believe you need to give yourself at least 24 months to recovery and get back on your feet before you even think about the dating scene. This is especially true if you have children. If you believe your emotions have been shot, and they have, just think about what your children are going through.
This is one of the major regrets that I have about dating after divorce. I didn't realize how unready I was for the dating scene until I was in one failed relationship after another. The most unfortunate part of all this was that I exposed my children to this cycle of never ending heartache. For years they believed that adults who get involved in relationships didn't work. Therefore, for your sake and the sake of your children, take your time and be healed! Give yourself time to grieve the loss of this relationship, get your life together, and ask yourself types of hard questions listed above.
You may be surprised at the answers that you discover! Fortunately, after sharing the advice that I just gave you, I found the woman of my dreams! I got married 7 years after my divorce in 2000, and life is beautiful. My sons love their new stepmom and finally believe that adults can have healthy relationships. I know that one size does not fit all when it comes to the healing process but, hopefully this gives you something to think about
