subject: Five Lessons For Living Today [print this page] In one short week, I received bold reminders of what love is all about--attending a surprise celebration for my former church choir director where I used to live; the launch of my signature speech in the same area; and upon my return home, learning of the tragic head-on collision which claimed the lives of two of my dearest friends and neighbors.
Here are five lessons:
Now is all there is. Several months ago when I learned that the choir was going to surprise the Choir Director by commissioning a piece of music dedicated to them, my first inclination was to say, "I would love to go, but I can't afford to make a trip up there." I could hear Suze Orman's voice in my ear asking, "Is it a need or a want?"
I knew this was one of those once-in-a-lifetime events, and what better way to show them how much they and the choir has meant to me over the years. Knowing that I had several open invitations for a place to stay, I decided to somehow find the funds.
It was a great day I will never forget. As the Director got up to conduct the choir members, he was told to sit down by the pastor. Then was even more blown away when the composer, K. Lee Scott, appeared to direct the choir in his new original work dedicated to them.
Any doubt I made the right decision dramatically vanished the very next day as I arrived home to learn of my friends' death. (By the way, Suze does say, "People first...")
Cards, calls, hugs and other acts of kindness. I am struck how seemingly inconsequential gestures of caring add up. As we shared memories of my friends, we realized they often were the ones knocking on the door of a brand new resident. Sure, I knew they did that for me, but I didn't realize they did it for everyone. This simple act went a long way in helping so us feel welcome in our new home.
My friend was known for spontaneously sharing special goodies with the people around her. If someone had just come out of the hospital or was feeling under the weathershe was right there with a plate of something (and she was a terrific cook and baker to boot).
One of the things I loved about the Choir was the way you always felt special. On any given Sunday, there could be between 50 and 80 singing. But you never felt like a small fish swimming in a big pond. If you weren't there, you were missed. When the Director would see you the next week, "Where have you beenmissed you." or, "Look who's back!"
Gone too soon. Many times I heard myself thinking, "I only knew them for two years; it wasn't long enough." Then I realized, suppose I didn't move here and didn't become friends with them? As I mentioned in my eulogy, I am choosing to focus on the two years I did have with them. I guess when we allow ourselves to feel love it means we risk grieving if we lose them. But for me, the trade-off is worth it. I am honored to have known them for whatever time I had with them.
Recognize when love is given back to you When you start a new business, there are a lot of firsts. When I decided to go out of my comfort zone and present my signature speech in front of a live audience, a fear quickly cropped upsuppose no one shows up?
Not only did I have 8 people attend my dress rehearsal, but I had 22 people take the time to attend my actual presentation ten days later. When I think back to who attended, they were people who know me or knew of me through others. I felt the caring they showed me by their presence.
Of all people. Upon hearing about my friends' death, someone commented, "...of all people." I knew what they meant. They were role models of how to live life. They showed love to their family, were thoughtful and giving to their friends and were of service to those in need.
Somehow we want to believe that such good and wonderful people don't die early or don't suffer any difficulties. We know that is not true--we all have had pain in our lives, the good sometimes die young and there seems to be many imbalances of fairness in the world. But I can't help but want others to say the same about me when I die, "...of all people."
Lessons and reminders are one thingbut here are some actions to take:
Pick up the phone, send a card or email when a friend comes to my mind. How many times we think about a friend or someone in my family and fail to write that note or call them. It's important not to put it off.
Offer little acts of care to those around me while they are alive. Say thank you more often.
Allow others to show their gift of love to you. It's much easier to be the one appreciating others than to accept when those acts are sent back to me. If we all did that, however, we prevent others from giving their precious gift of love. It needs to be a complete cycle.
Live a life the way you want to be remembered. My friends and church leaders lived their passion and values every day. We don't have to be a Mother Theresa to make a difference. We all have unique gifts, how then, can you share them with others? How will you let people know you care about them? What is the legacy you want to leave?
Drive more carefully. We know that speed was a factor with the other driver and perhaps she took her eyes off the road for just a split second. We've all done itI know I have. It only takes a second to change our lives forever.
