subject: Advice for Guys Who Hate to Date but Hate to Be Alone [print this page] Advice for Guys Who Hate to Date but Hate to Be Alone
By Otto Collins
Kenneth cannot stand the "dating game." He dislikes loud clubs and bars and is not a partyer. He really hates it when his well-intentioned friends set him up on dates. Many of the women are nice, but the vast majority of them are not what he's looking for.
At the same time, Kenneth really doesn't enjoy being single. He gets lonely. He craves having a woman who means the world to him and with whom he can spend his life.
He often tells friends that he wishes he could skip over the whole dating thing and just find his perfect soulmate...without all of the hassle, drama and rejections too.
Like Kenneth, you might strongly dislike dating and feeling like you have to impress women so that they'll want to date and eventually be in a relationship with you. You may also wish that you could bypass the possibility of hearing a string "No thanks" to your invitations for dates.
Or, it might be that you're a busy guy. You want the companionship and passion of having a committed partner, but you yearn for a way to have what you want without wasting a bunch of time (that you don't have) going out with potential partners who just aren't a good match for you.
The good news is this...
You don't have to be alone (unless you want to) and dating doesn't have to be uncomfortable, annoying or emotionally painful.
Figure out what you like and what you DO want.
It can be helpful to know what you hate, but be sure to spend some time getting clear about what you like.
If you're spending a lot of time dreading what you think you "should" or "have to" do in terms of dating and meeting the woman of your dreams, you're probably suffering-- and not very open to actually meeting the perfect partner for you.
Instead, start spending more of your time thinking about what you do prefer. While you might have the image of a magazine model in your mind for your ideal mate, don't become so rigid about what she "has" to look like or how much money she "has" to make.
Think about what you'd like to do together with the future love of your life. Picture yourself laughing, talking, biking, hiking, traveling and making love together, or whatever you desire. How do you want to feel when you're with her? In what ways do you see the two of you sharing your lives together?
Get specific in these ways and be sure to enjoy this part of the process.
Create your own rules for dating and attracting a relationship.
As you are out and about in the course of living your life, stay open. When you find yourself excited or interested in an activity or a particular group of people, keep doing those things and continue to spend time among those people.
What's most likely going to happen is that you're going to bump into a woman and discover (either immediately or over time) a special connection. The relationship between the two of you will unfold naturally and the whole process will be enjoyable. It won't feel like you have to force anything at all-- it will just happen.
This is not to say that you won't need to stay awake and aware of your habits-- for example, how you two are communicating with one another, whether or not trust is being fostered and other patterns that can make or break a relationship. You will most definitely need to be present and engaged with your partner, even in the early days of your relationship.
This deliberate approach to forming a healthy and close relationship will actually alleviate many of the things about dating that you might have been dreading.
