subject: Angry Days-- The Happy Days [print this page] Angry Days-- The Happy Days Angry Days-- The Happy Days
The angry days. Anyone who's ever been in a romantic relationship of over a year knows what I meanthe days when you and your partner kind of want to send each other on a special vacation.We've been fighting a lot more recently,black wedding invitationsand it has really scared me at times. But I also think that instead of just keeping it inside, we're just going ahead and being honest with each other. Even if that means having to get in an argument because of it.
Fighting used to feel like a bad sign to me. Like an omen that my relationship was doomed. Bossyboots and I rarely fight, but it does happen (because we're normal!).
Last year, I read the novel Freedom, by Jonathan Franzen. There were about 8,000 things in that book that were amazing, but one scene really hit home to me.
There's a section where a mother is questioning her son about his relationship with his girlfriend. She asks (paraphrased) "Do you guys fight?" She goes on to explain that if they never fight, that means they aren't being real with each other; they're living in fantasy land. Being real and genuine means fighting sometimes.
That idea stuck with me, and I love it. Often, I think some of us don't say what we really feel (expressed with love!). Sometimes my efforts to be respectful of others' opinions/feelings means I overly squelch my own. And I know I want to know what my partner really wantsI don't need him to agree with me on everything. If Bossyboots and I agreed on everything how would we grow? Part of why I believe in marriage isn't just for the cuddles, legal benefits, or tax breaksit's because a valuable partnership is challenging.
Obviously the kind of fighting that involves name-calling or craziness is no bueno, and it's not good to always be fighting, but a reasonable amount of fighting is nothing to be afraid of. In fact, maybe it's a good thing. It means we love each other for who we really are.
Sometimes I feel bad, because Mr. B and I get in arguments a LOT more than our other engaged friends. But we always work it out, and I think it is something that happens inevitably when living together. If you aren't getting in arguments, either one person in the relationship really hates conflict, or you're not really being real with one another IMHO.
