I know that if your spouse just served you with divorce papers, you are either: (a) on the floor crying, (b) in denail, or (c) exhaled a sigh of relief because at least you did not have to file. In any case, the first thing you need to do before trying to navigate what can seem, at times, to be like surfing a tidal wave of unexpected obstacles and irritation is to create a Goals Road Map and Call Tree. Both items need to be concrete and on your fridge, if your spouse left you a fridge (mine didn't) or on the bathroom mirror, your purse, and tattooed into your brain.
The Call Tree is going to serve as a type of "emotional medication" for you. The last thing you want to do is get drunk, high, or even tipsy during this time period. You need to stay focused and sober-minded. Allowing yourself to get intoxicated will only cause you to suppress all those fears that may be trying to haunt you or even the pain that you feel as you begin the process of allowing God to restore your heart. If you get drunk, get high, try to run and hide, or even stick your head in the sand like an ostrich, you are only prolonging the process of restoration. So, you want people around you who will encourage you in a HEALTHY way. You don't want to take the advice (or even hear the advice) that all you need to do is (a) sleep with another man, (b) start dating, (c) intoxicate yourself, (d) act like a crazy person in general, or even (e) feel the need to bad mouth your spouse and totally disrespect him by telling everyone his personal business.I don't care how badly you want to hurt him for whatever he did to you, Ladies, hang onto your integrity. Thus, the Call Tree.
Find five people that you believe are incredibly forgiving, encouraging, and wise. Age should not be factor in deciding on who is the wisest in the Kingdom of Heaven. You want strong women, informed women, and women who are either walking with Christ at your pace or a little ahead of you to keep you focused on God. Thus, as Joyce Meyer would say, "Run to the Throne before running to the phone" and make sure that you only talk about your personal business to those five. Speaking to other friends is fine, but you only want your top five in your deepest business. Order them according to your security with them. Make sure that your top person is someone who returns phone calls, is mature in the faith, will call it as she sees it, and is an ecourager, then select number two and so on. Also, only women on the Call Tree. No men. Don't even go there. Avoid temptation at all costs.
Your Goals Road Map will serve as a daily checklist for your heart and for your practical needs. On the days that you feel overwhelmed, it is of the utmost importance that you stay productive. The more productive you are, the more secure and confident you will feel. There will be days where you don't feel like even thinking, so you can just pull-out your Goals Road Map and keep tracking.The Goals Road Map serves two purposes: (1) to keep your practical needs met as smoothly as possible, and (2) to begin restoring your heart so you will not have baggage in your next romantic relationship.
Here is an exerpt from my Goals Road Map:
Practical Needs:
1. Get bills organized
2. Paint house with my girls
3. Meet with Attorney David Moore once a week.
4. Etc....
Heart Needs:
1. Let go of "Sam" so I won't be in God's way when He deals with him.
2. Keep eyes focused on Jesus and allow Him to vindicate, protect, and make all circumstances work out for my good. "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, whohave been called according to his purpose." - Romans 8:28
Make your Goals Road Map as soon as possible. It will serve as a compass for you practically and Spiritually. Also, keep God's Word in your mind. Take every single thought captive to Christ and do NOT allow the enemy to penetrate your mind with thoughts of fear. Remember, the battlefield is in the mind. Our Brother, Paul, wrote us this, and even Dr. Sigmund Freud stated the same. Since God's Word has the POWER to break strongholds, make sure you are meditating on it.Thefollowing scriptures are a good place to start:
The Lord is on my side; I will not fear.
What can man do to me?
The Lord is on my side as my helper;
I shall look in triumph on those who hate me.
It is better to take refuge in the Lord
than to trust in man.
It is better to take refuge in the Lord
than to trust in princes.Psalm 118:6-9
Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths.Proverbs 3:5-6
You keep him in perfect peace
whose mind is stayed on you,
because he trusts in you.
Trust in the Lord forever,
for the Lord God is an everlasting rock.Isaiah 26:3-4
And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.Philippians 1:6
