subject: I Don't Take Anything Seriously [print this page] I Don't Take Anything Seriously I Don't Take Anything Seriously
Having humor is a strength and many things become bitter if you take life too seriously. However, even though it is a good idea to take some situations lightly, it is not a good idea to laugh at everything. By doing that, you may very well end up tiring others as well as yourself.
Long ago, a journalist asked the (now late) French humorist Pierre Desproges: "Can you laugh at everything?", "Yes, he replied, but not with everybody". It is a fact, there are no limits to humor and humor can be used to a variety of things. To turn certain situations into derision may take the anxiety away or heal some of the pain of some other situations.
One of my patients was a very good example: His father's death, his divorce, nothing could avoid his humor and sarcasm. Humor is the politeness of despair, said Oscar Wilde and Freud believed it was the highest form of psychological defense. Fact is, that when you use humor in difficult situations, you feel better at once and you can even achieve other people's sympathy. It can be very useful to take some of the pain away and give enough room for you to breathe and to take care of the problem. By doing the opposite, by turning everything into a catastrophe, you will very quickly find yourself totally blocked. Humor, in some cases can be a valuable help to do what cognitive psychology calls "decatastrophizing" a situation.
The problems begin when someone only uses this sole method to address every daily problem. In this case, we do not speak of humor as a technique to get a grip on a problem, but we are speaking of a way to communicate, a way to avoid responsibility and to keep every problem and everyone at a distance. This leads to many problems because in a relationship, you have to be close to each other. If one part is always at a "humorous distance", the other part may feel very alone.
Another of my patients explained to me how her husband's way of making fun of everything ended up crashing their relationship. She could see how her husband always laughed at every situation and by that, how he could avoid speaking about the problems. When there were problems with their two children, everything became funny, so she ended up with three children at home. The very few times he pretended to use authority, it was a kind of play that amused the children more than anything else. It was very tiring after a while.
Humor is a very powerful weapon because it is difficult to argue against someone who makes you laugh. It ends up becoming a big problem because you can't keep on avoiding problems. Sooner or later, there is no more place to run.
Now, this way of being isn't set in stone. Happily for us (humans) we can change if we want to. There is nothing called "I can't change myself". However, there is something called "I don't want to change myself", which is something different. So even though you may belong to this group of people who doesn't take anything seriously, there are several things that can be done to change that.
First of all, it is important to understand that humor is a strength. It is a good way to avoid depression, other people like (generally) a funny person and of course, between being an ever serious zombie and a clown, there are many possibilities. So most important thing: Don't go to extremism, neither one way, nor the other.
Then listen to your partner, to your colleagues. See and listen when they begin to show signs that they are not amused. Be more attentive to their body-language, facial expressions and tone of voice.
Find out of why you have this urge to laugh at things. What pain do you think you are stopping by acting this way? You may need a therapist to help you see what you are running away from. There is nothing wrong in solving problems.
