subject: Gianni Truvianni's "New York's Opera Society" Chapter 34 [print this page] Gianni Truvianni's "New York's Opera Society" Chapter 34
While Brad was trying to explain his theory, Anna was listening carefully in the hope of understanding something which he obviously did judging from the way she suddenly cried out "Yes, understand.". These words being followed by a question, she asked me which at first made me wonder as to what she might have in mind. Maybe because she translated it to literally from her native Polish, which she asked in the voice of someone who has reached the point in liquor consumption which can be called the romantic period. This is the area of drunkenness that to me was the one that made people want to reveal the beauty of their thoughts "Bill, what you suffer for?". Her question fell upon us like a riddle that even Gosia was unable to solve. For a moment we were all left sitting there thinking about what she might have meant and it was Gosia; who asked her in Polish what she had wanted to ask.
After a short conversation in Polish with Anna that only the two of them understood, Gosia turned to me and said in a laughter that came from having finally understood her friend's question which had even baffled her, "What Anna wants to know is what do you want in life? What do you want more than anything?". It was not the question that caught me of guard but the fact that at a party, someone whom I was barely acquainted with had asked me what I wanted in life and for no apparent reason. To my way of thinking, it was not a question that most people would ask someone without anything leading up to it but she had! I, instinctively answered though I don't recall the exact words I used that my dream was to become a great opera singer. My answer caused her to laugh. I would not say this laughter was directed at me but at the fact that she had gotten the answer she had expected.
Her next question also surprised me, it being one that I myself had never considered which was when would I know I had become a great singer; in other words how would I know I had reached the level of being a great singer. This was something I had never thought of and then I asked myself that very question; which made me feel uncomfortable because I had never thought about what success meant to me. I knew for sure I wanted to be a successful opera singer but what was the mark of a successful opera singer? How does an opera singer know if he or she has become successful, was the essence of what she was asking me or perhaps what she really wanted to know was how success was measured in the opera world.
After long consideration and carefully choosing my words I managed to say "There are opera singers who are famous or shall we say well known in the world of opera but they are not famous or well known to anybody who is not an opera fan. I think I will have reached the success I long for when people who are not opera fans know who I am, for example there are people who have never heard an opera in its entirety; who know who Domingo, Carreras and Pavarotti are and even ask them for their autographs.".
As I finished giving my answer I looked to my friends very timidly, maybe because I was not sure if my answer would be one they would agree with, because if there was one thing that I needed was the approval and support of my friends; which I felt was of the utmost importance to me. I remember there being a moment of silence, as Arturo and Amanda thought about what I had said as to what success meant to us; which was something we had never discussed. It was during this moment of silence that Gosia and Anna simply smiled (not only at each other but at the rest of us as well) as they saw the look of almost anxiety on my face as I awaited the verdict that would decide the fate of my reply. I could tell by the look on their faces that they found amusement in what was going on which was that I was waiting for Amanda and Arturo to confirm what I had said. The rest of us could tell by the way that Amanda and Arturo were looking up at the ceiling that they were spinning my reply in their minds as if they were analyzing the theory of evolution.
After a few moments which seemed to last a life time, Amanda and Arturo lowered their eyes from the ceiling and glanced; first at one another with a look that told me they had just reached an un worded agreement and then at those of us present who were anticipating their reply. All this was followed by the approval that I so desperately sought which came in the form of Amanda saying in what was a very weary voice that told us how sleepy she must have been "I guess that is how popularity might be measured in opera because like you said when people who have never heard you sing know your name and want an autograph that must mean something with regards to popularity, I mean there are people walking around who have never heard Maria Callas sing who swear she was the greatest diva of all time.". Arturo added in his pleasant tone of voice which had been made even more so by the rum he had consumed "I guess the same thing holds true for conductors, for example Arturo Toscanini and Leonard Bernstein are even known outside the world of classical music. You know you have taught me what fame I want to achieve."
It was after Arturo's words that something transpired when I was looking at Anna in the presence of Brad, Arturo, Amanda and Gosia. I noticed Anna's eyes had caught mine looking, not only at her body which seemed to be pulled down by the sofa she was sharing with Gosia; whose hand she was holding like two sisters running scared through a dark forest but directly in her eyes which had locked with mine. I don't really know how to describe what was going on but it was as if Anna and I had been teleported in to a dimension that had been created by the subtleties between us and all those around; Gosia including who I could see was marveling at the moment between Anna and I, who were no longer there.
I could see how Anna was playing with me, not with words or even ideas but with me like a woman touching a man's body only to see the reaction her caresses caused in him. The only difference was that she was touching me with emotions that were reaching me in the form of glances. I got the feeling that she was not really asking me questions for answers but was using them to get to know me. As if these words had nothing to do with what she really wanted to know. I got the understanding that Anna and I were communicating on a higher tone of emotions that were being transmitted from one another, not so much via our words but the pitch our voices used to cry out those almost insignificant words. Our eyes and facial expressions was what we used to confirm that our emotions were being shared. We were picking up our words in a completely different way than those around us who had been shut out of the bubble Anna and I had formed.
This moment even struck me with a touch of fear. I felt like I was in a sort of dance, in which the music has more control over our movements than we do. A sort of trans that the passage of time seemed to have no influence on. While in this state the sound of (Tchaikovsky's first piano concerto had started without my noticing) music was conducting the waves of my emotions toward this lady who had become for those seconds as unavoidable to my imagination as the angel of death to those whose time on earth has expired. It was not the situation that caused fright but what it almost pushed me to do and the way I wanted to do it in; that created this delicate feeling of bliss that was going all over me and hopefully Anna as well. It was when I felt myself move impulsively like a dancer does in the direction of Anna that I was taken out of the mental state I had transcended into that I said with a tone of voice that did not match the words I was saying "Sure, what is your question?".
Her question was one that came with the same voice of joyful relief that made me realize the success I had not yet grasped. She asked me, at what moment would I know and feel like a truly great opera singer. This time I don't know how but I answered her question with an answer that seemed like it had been given to me "When I can sing and not think of the notes I am singing because they are no longer notes but words that express the sentiment of the character I am playing. When I no longer feel like myself but the role I am performing; transforming that character from being a mere character into an actual person whom I have become." my answer brought a smile to even myself, which I could see reflected on Anna.
"You got that answer from me!" cried out Amanda, not in anger but in confusion as to weather in fact it was her who said something similar. "You said something more or less the same my pet but I remember it; your comment being more about feeling like the part whereas William here is talking about transforming the character into a person he has become." was the way Arturo settled what might have become the first argument Amanda and I had since breaking up.
Anna may not have fully comprehended what I had said but I know it was my voice's sound that she had been after. I then took notice of Gosia's reaction, who seemed to be following our conversation. Gosia was savoring the moment while Brad seemed to be waiting his queue, which he used to bring wit in to the chat we were having by saying "In business they talk about making your first million, so I guess in opera it was, well what you said.". His comment was met with a light laugher from all those present, that lasted till my mother, Barbara and James Levine entered the room in that order.
