subject: A Birth Road Takes a Twist [print this page] A Birth Road Takes a Twist A Birth Road Takes a Twist
LATE JULY 2010
It's a muggy day, like only New York can feel. Heat and humidity, with the touch of dirt and grit rising up from the sidewalks, and coming down from the sky. I register the embarrassing precipitation on my brows as I enter the Yale club. The heaviness of the old venerable place seems so juxtaposed against the summer night. I focus back on my reason for being here tonight. I am meeting with friends of a friend who are interested in learning more about gay Surrogacy. And this is where our sojourn begins. We 3 never could have imagined that our getting together would wisk us off on a journey that would have us never looking back. A true story is to unfold. I watch the door as people come in and out, and finally I see two young men who are stopped at the door. I approach them and introduce myself, ever so slightly feeling like I am on a blind date of sorts.
An embarrassment to me is that a jacket is required, and Neil is looking good in his shorts and t-shirt, after having worked all day in the renovation of their new apartment. He left not giving a thought to "taking a suit out of the closet he was probably in the process of building!", so we had a good laugh as we were escorted to a far corner, not to be visible to the Ivy's. As we began, I learned of the circuitous route that lead them to me. These stories spoke so much of their love, not just for one another, but to be of service to the world. The volunteer work in South America and in Asia. The decision to want a family. The dashed plan to adopt in Viet Nam. Another try with the state of NY. Home studies, bureaucracy, money spent and time lost. The renovation was, in part to add a room for their hoped for son or daughter. We began the navigation of 3rd party reproduction, also known as surrogacy. Could this be an option? How do we get started?
EXPLAINING SURROGACY
Explaining surrogacy is complicated by the many myths and myriad questions surrounding the moving people and parts of the process. For heterosexual couples experiencing infertility, Assisted Reproductive Technology is part of the course. For gays, it is very different. Science has come a long way in this area, as infertility is reported to be a pandemic. It is likely that anyone who has been unsuccessful with IVF, takes a look at exploring adoption, and now more commonly surrogacy. Gay women have typically used a donor to have a biological child. Women have an advantage in this way, to bear their own child if they choose to.
Single men, straight or gay, and gay male couples have landed on surrogacy because they face such discriminatory practices, or of being thought of as not fit' or not suitable to adopt. Gay Surrogacy empowers gay males. It is a right of passage now to be able to direct the birth of a biological child with the assist of a donor and a carrier. No longer an issue is their sexual orientation. It is not that many don't want to adopt, it is that they have been derided and rejected. They have been subject to more abuse that can be imagined in 2011. Surrogacy is creating diverse and very happy families.
CAN EVERYONE CHOOSE SURROGACY?
Now, there is the cost. In the states, 3rd party reproduction has become big business. Reproductive endocrinologists who report through SART (society for assisted reproductive technology) have seen a double digit increase. It is estimated that the revenue generated may top 3 billion dollars here and nearly that abroad. Fees have increased across the board. Lawyers, doctors, donors and carriers and agencies can cost a gay man or couple between $100,000-$175,000. Predicated upon the area of the country, the additional fee for an experienced' carrier, a donor fitting specific criteria, a lawyer who drafts contracts, manages the escrow account and files the pre-birth order, and often the second parent adoption. Surrogates are compensated roughly $35,000, and receive an additional fee if they carry multiples. It is now finally available, but sadly, only for those who can afford it.
MEDICAL TOURISM?
Health tourism has long been established, but it wasn't until I attended the conference for the American Society for Reproductive Medicine in October 2009, that I saw Medical Tourism on the syllabus. I made a note to attend. Tourism? Piqued my curiosity.
I attended the Indian delegates meeting later in the week. I listened and watched a panel discuss the state of the art clinics in India. I asked a few questions and came away with a distinct sense that the Indian doctors and agencies were motivated. I also felt that the coverage by the NYTimes, NPR, the Wall Street Journal and CNN was placing a layer of added clarity. If things were not as they seemed, it would be revealed in these news sources? There was no evidence of anything illicit. Still, I could not be certain if the laws would protect parents enough, and if there could be a problem with Immigration. There were few people to ask, and I was too busy learning the laws and the ropes of the system in the U.S.
INDIA, ARE YOU THERE?
Back at the Yale Club, on that late July evening, papers were scattered with costs, timing, options and plans. I had not realized that I went through' Surrogacy for Dummies' and had plotted out 3 different scenarios for my parents over a few hours. Option A was not affordable. This plan was to sign on with a reputable agency in the US that targets gay parents. The timing is not instant. It may take up to 2 years. Why? Once you pick a surrogate, should she not conceive on the first try, or even the second? It was quite commonplace to stay with her unless a medical condition or other irregularity occurred. The intervals in between tries are staggered, to allow her to recover. Option B was to arrange a DIY-do it yourself approach. Gather all the pieces together on their own. If they unbundle' the parts, and assemble a surrogacy it would lower the cost. Cost still high. Option C was Medical Tourism. Possibly Panama, but more likely India. I remembered that these parents had traveled extensively. They had just conjoined 2 apartments vertically' and renovated them. They were passionate, hopeful, ready and game'. And pioneers they weren't. And the time it would take shortened, because of the numerous surrogates at the clinic, there was no down time between procedures. Compared to the costs associated here versus India, the fees are significantly' lower, and this was the decision. And added to these India has got significantly good number of developed IVF Clinics where the Process for Surrogacy would start.
BENHUR
Even if you haven't seen the movie, you remember the title. It is a name that always conjures up a smile. It is not a name one can easily forget, and neither is Benhur Samson himself. I found Surrogacy Abroad after an extensive search. I wanted an agency with experience, transparency and of course, gay friendly policies. I also wanted to have a face-to-face meeting. Under a month, Mr. Samson flew in from his office in Chicago to meet us in a New York City Hotel. Questions went back and forth, and back and forth. Yes, was always the answer. Quick timeline was also affirmativewithin a year he said was doable, very doable. Perhaps even less than that. Hard to hear and believe after this long long road this couple had been down. By October a donor had been chosen, a lovely girl from the Midwest. She would travel to India for 17 days. She would be well taken care of and her time there would be comfortable. Eggs retrieved. Concurrently, the igloo' was sent. The frozen genetic material washed, flash frozen and at the clinic in India.
Embryos created and implanted into the first surrogate. This was proceeding very fast, very organized. With bated breath we waited. It would take just a bit longer, but an email arrived. Pregnancy is confirmed. Levels are high, could it betwins? No answer just yet. It's Positive. From the first meeting in that stuffy club in New York City to the first December snow, another email arrives. This time with a picture. An actual sonogram with 2 curled heartbeats in Hyderabad India. TWINS! It was confirmed. It was signed, "Congrats". Back in Brooklyn, two stunned and happy parents stare into the room they built for Jack. Move over Jack, make room for Jill.
Surrogacy Abroad continues to make surrogacy safe and affordable. Please visit the web site to learn more. Surrrogacyabroad.com
To reach Linda to set up a meeting to discuss the program and how it may be right for you please email her at linda@surrogacyabroad.com
