subject: Knowing It All [print this page] I was having lunch with a group of friends and colleagues recently. Over delicious soups and salads we had the usual conversations about work, health and children. As I listened to some of the conversations I noticed a pattern that I have heard before. One friend commented on how bad she felt when she discovered her child needed glasses.
I should have known, she said.
Then another woman chimed in with the story about how her niece was having hearing problems and none of the family noticed.
I cant believe we didnt figure it out, she said, how could we not have known?
The conversation continued like this for a while with more women adding their stories, all ending in how they felt bad or guilty for not knowing something.
Do you do this? Do you think you should know everything - about everything? Have you ever been hard on yourself because you didnt know how to do something, didnt have the right answer or didnt get something done the way it was supposed to be done?
Let me be the first to tell you that you are incredibly smart (you read my newsletters, after all)! You probably know more than the average person and yet you feel bad, ashamed or worthless if you dont know something that seems obvious or simple (once its pointed out to you, that is). Guess what? There are many things in this world that you dont know and as long as you hold onto the belief that you should know, you are never going to feel confident or good about yourself. You cant, you wont and you shouldnt know everything and it s time to stop expecting that you should! Phrases like Whats the matter with me? or Why cant I do this? or How could I have not known? are signals that you are being too hard on yourself. Beating yourself up for not knowing something is a colossal waste of energy and depletes your self-esteem. The next time you catch yourself saying I should have known ask yourself this question: When did someone teach me _________________________? Asking this countering question will help you reclaim your confidence and self-esteem. Its okay not to know everything. Part of the joy of living is learning and gaining new knowledgeand thats a fact I know for sure!
