subject: An Unforgettable Moment In A Collaborative Divorce [print this page] As a collaborative professional, you help husband and wife to transition through their collaborative divorce. There were moments of emotion, moments of uncertainty, and moments when husband and wife appeared to be stuck in making tough decisions about the parenting of their children, and the division of their property. But with the skill and guidance of the collaborative team the end of the collaborative divorce process is in sight. All the decisions and agreements have been made by husband and wife. The final paperwork is being drafted that will be signed and go to court for the judges signature. The team is at the finish line. What will the final meeting to sign the final documents look like?
Will husband and wife be so exhausted by their divorce that they prefer to sign the final paperwork quietly in the privacy of their attorney s offices, or will the full team of collaborative professionals surround husband and wife at that final meeting? Will it be a time of celebration, a time of grief, or a solemn, unforgettable moment? Does the couple want to say something special? Does either husband, or wife, or both of them want a final divorce ritual or ceremony?
Ill never forget the final moments of one of my first collaborative cases. Husband and Wife were in my office with their collaborative attorneys. We reviewed and signed the final paperwork as they sat quietly on the other side of my desk.
Then it happened. They reach for each others hands while wife wept quietly. They closed their eyes and just sat there bound up with each other one last time. The other collaborative lawyer and I sensed the intensity of this special moment. We looked at each other, and in silence signaled that we would leave the room. I found myself welling up with tears as we tip-toed out of my office, and left the couple in peace. I will never forget the sanctity of that moment, or the thought that something this precious could never take place in a court room or in an adversarial setting.
The collaborative divorce process allows each divorce team of professionals, including the lawyers, mental health (coaches and child specialist), and the financial professional to be unique. Others can also be added to the collaborative team such as appraisers, forensic accountants, or even clergy.
For instance in a divorce of a Jewish couple, husband and wife may want a religious divorce to accompany the finality of their civil divorce. In fact, for observant Jews, the get or Jewish divorce is a necessity to free wife to remarry should she wish to do so.
Divorce rituals may help husband and wife transition from the years that they spent together in an understanding, and forgiving manner. Just like the collaborative process, a ritual may help the couple to express healing emotion and to come out of the divorce process stronger than when they entered it. In the collaborative process, a ritual or a few special moments as the final paperwork is signed, may be a fitting way to complete the divorce.
