subject: You Can Change Your Communication Habits Through Patience And Practice [print this page] Nurturing skills is achieved largely through practice, and it matters not what skill you are trying to develop.
Let us use classical music and golf, two of my primary interests - first, when taking up a new musical instrument, say, the violin, you need extensive practice before you can perform a concert. Nobody becomes Tiger Woods overnight golfers have to practice their swinging technique before they can move up in handicap and defeat tougher opponents over time.
Another skill that requires practice would be that of improving our communication habits. Here is what makes challenging conversations so difficult - we find ourselves put "on the spot" before we can even prepare ourselves for the challenge. Going back to communication, it would behoove you to learn the essential skills and practice them, to avoid situations comparable to the one just stated in the last sentence.
Your journey begins with any one of the several instructors, speakers, workshops and books that intend to help individuals learn communication skills and facilitate or encourage regular practice. Do your homework. Make sure your bucket list contains something like reading a self-help book once a week or attending a workshop every three months.
You can also learn from your successful conversations as well as the ones that don't turn out as expected. Some say it is negative reinforcement, but remember that people by nature tend to remember the negative side of things, and it pays to be aware of what has to be done to avoid something similar in the future. You want to be a sentient and purposeful communicator, and the only way to achieve this is through practice - here are some tips that could help you along the way.
Increase Awareness. Notice whether your communication style is accomplishing your goals. If not, try something different.
Acknowledgement. What is your positive hope for the communication? And theirs? Remember that both parties innately try to do their best at all times, so do not jump into conclusions about your partner when communicating.
Keep it safe. Be relaxed and placid when dealing with others, maintain respect and courtesy and keep your mind free of negativity.
Nurture Your Curious Side. Develop an open, curious, and interested frame of mind. That's what sets naturally curious children apart from the average, indifferent adult, for lack of a better term they have the intent, you have the innate skills to respond, so why not have both for a change?
Constant and Consistent Practice! Try new techniques and learn from them. If you are a laid-back individual, for instance, you may want to proffer an alternative opinion once in a while. Or if you tend to be a motormouth who keeps controlling the conversation, maybe you want to listen to others more. Ask others. Try being curious.
Allow me to invoke my passion for classical music once again and share an anecdote related to the great violinist Jascha Heifetz - see, somebody in New York once stopped him and asked for directions to Carnegie Hall. The New Yorker replied: "Practice!" An old joke, but a good one. The point is that change takes place gradually over time. Don't rush into several adjustments at the same time. Choose from the above suggestions and see what works for you. Let me know what happens. Relish your newly discovered talents and use them to the hilt. And most of all have fun!
