subject: No Is A Complete Sentence [print this page] Most of us tend to people pleaseMost of us tend to people please. We want to be liked and respected by others. Nothing wrong with that unless you overdo it.
Mohandas Gandhi
A No uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a Yes merely uttered to please, or worse, to avoid trouble.
Ask yourself:
Do you want everybody to like you?
Do you feel guilty when you say no?
Do you put other peoples requests ahead of your desires?
Do you think people wont like you if you say no?
Do you say yes to things you really dont want to do?
Eleanor Roosevelt was once quoted as saying, No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
Does any of this sound familiar?
If you are a people pleaser, its likely you struggle with low self esteem.
If you will inconvenience yourself to try to please others, you dont value your own goals and priorities.
If you dont respect the use of your own time, no one else will respect it either.
Bill Cosby, Actor and Comedian
I dont know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.
Here are some key points to recognizing your people pleasing weakness:
Do you take a stand when someone asks you to do something?
You can say:
Yes - because you probably are a people pleaser and want others to like you
Ill think about it - because you dont want to do it and you dont want to say no. Now youve created an anxiety producing sort of promise to do something you dont want to do.
I will, later, - Youve postponed making a painful decision and given yourself time to create an acceptable excuse for not doing whatever.
No, because - you feel you must justify it with because which equals blaa blaa blaa
No. No is a complete sentence and its all you need to say. You dont even have to feel guilty about it.
You dont have to explain yourself. Learn to respect your decisions
Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Say no to the demands of the world. I say yes to the longings of my own heart.
Learn to choose with careful consideration.
I say NO to social pressures. I say NO to community pressures. I say NO to unthinking demands of tradition.
I say YES to kindness. I say YES to compassion. I say YES to honor. I say YES to worthy forms of service
Heres a review the old journalism questions. Theyre good to think about before you commit:
What:Ask you self, Do I want or need to do this? Maybe youd like to do it because it would pleasure you
Why: Why do I want to/not to do this? - are you afraid this person will think less of you if you say no?
Who:Who am I trying to please? - ask yourself, Do I want to do this or do I think this person will like me if I do?
When:When could I do it?
Where:Where does it fit in my plan?
How:How can I do this gently?
Summary
Learning that NO is a complete sentence is one of lifes most powerful lessons
