subject: Restoring Your Marriage Through Marriage Counseling [print this page] People generally know just married couples from the attention they pay themselves. They usually seem to be lost in their private world. Lot's of times, this open show of affection decreases as the years go by. The more mature couples who still love themselves, simply relate more like friends. It's not normal to find them still relating like new couples.
I generally find it hard to relate with the fact that this same couple that are presently at each others' throat are the same couple that were all over themselves when they just got married. What changed in this union? Or is it the people that changed?
When people come for marriage counseling, you would usually hear things like "she is not the same person I married" or "he's changed from the loving man I married" and so on. Is there anyway this can be true?
As far as I am concerned, I do not agree that people change. What I think happened is that people don't actually get to know themselves. Maybe you were carried away by what you desired the person to be. When you get married, you are forced to confront reality and not what you wish. When reality hits you, you could begin to think you may have made a blunder. Maybe you did, maybe you did not.
Looking for the perfect individual is a standard mistake that folks make. It's not possible for one person to have everything you require in a spouse. You are setting yourself up for disappointment when you expect perfection. It takes knowing that you're not perfect for you not to expect perfection in another.
How do you react to some things about your spouse you would see as imperfection? This is a really critical question. Some people just run from this question and choose to go looking for what they assume they are missing. This results in extra marital affairs. You may just be shocked to discover that the one you left possessed certain qualities the new person does not have.
Start building a great marriage by first acknowledging your own imperfection. If you know this, you cannot expect your spouse to be perfect. You can cover your spouse's imperfection and have them do same. This is a decision you have to make. You can't solve the problem by having an affair. You can be sure that your imperfection would show clearly when you choose to have an affair.
Decide to cover for your spouse's imperfections. This is a decision that would help your marriage succeed. If you think you can no longer handle the challenge, then go for marriage counseling.
As you grow older in your marriage, you would discover that due to your perseverance, you learned how to cope with all the things about your partner that used to drive you crazy. I've seen people who got divorced and years later could not believe they got divorced for such minor issues.
Your marriage would only succeed when you're committed to making it work.
