subject: Blended Families Supporting The Bond Between The Kids And The Other Parents [print this page] With your kids now in a blended family, it is important that you support and help them maintain their relationship with your ex-spouse. If your new spouse has bio kids, too, do the same for your step kids. It is important for blended families to respect the other parents in their kids' lives and to help kids and step kids feel comfortable in both parents' homes.
Make it easy for your kids and your ex to spend time together
You and your ex-spouse may be divorced, but your children did not divorce either of you. Give them the advantage of being loved and cared for by all their parents and step parents. Once you and your ex have settled on a custody and visitation schedule you can both live with, and you may need the court or a mediator to help with this, use the schedule to benefit your kids.
The visitation schedule for a blended family
If a mutually agreeable visitation schedule has not been set, take care of this important detail right away. Children need to know their parents and step parents can be depended on to help keep their life under control and on track.
Once a schedule is in place, do your best to keep it, but be flexible about changes that need to be made now and then. When you give a general explanation as to why you are asking for a schedule change, you let your ex-spouse know you expect the same consideration when he needs a change. If both parents focus on what is best for their children, accommodations will be easier for everyone, including the kids.
Cooperation is persuasive and effective in your step family
When you are flexible about matters such as visitation, you bolster your claim that you want whatever works best for your children. When your ex, or your spouse's ex, has no reason to suspect you are trying to be punishing or manipulative in your dealings with him, chances of his being cooperative with you increase. It is important to bear in mind that cooperation does not translate to blanket submission to any and all requests, but it is essential for successful co-parenting.
Keep the ex-spouse informed
Your children deserve to have both parents involved in their lives, and that includes school and social events. Send copies of school report cards and make sure each ex-spouse knows the school website and can get access to school newsletters and parent association meetings. Be sure they know about parent-teacher conferences and science fairs, sporting events, music recitals and scout merit badge awards. Supporting your children in this way is the right thing to do and enhances the co-parenting effort.
Make the visitation schedule official with your ex-spouse
Prepare a visitation and events calendar for all the kids in your blended family and give one to each kid's other parent. Schedule special events as far in advance as possible, to avoid misunderstandings and conflicts, and to support your need for keeping to an agreed-upon schedule. Giving each child a pocket calendar can help them keep up with their visits to mom and dad and other blended family events, and to reinforce that they are an important part in the blended family.
Helping your kids and step kids maintain a good relationship with their other parent means working cooperatively with the ex-spouses. When you set aside any feelings of animosity or regret you may have, and act solely out of love for your children to support their good relationship with your ex, everyone wins.
