subject: Is Your Marriage all you truly want it to be? [print this page] Have you ever wondered if your marriage is all you truly want it to be? Do you feel loved and loveable, understood and listened to, appreciated and valued? Is your intimate emotional connection and sex life satisfying and getting better, or a source of pain and disappointment? Do you ever feel that you are losing yourself in order to stay in your relationship? Do you wish your partner would take more responsibility for themselves, and stop depending on you or blaming you for their unhappiness? Are you locked in a power struggle in which one needs to be right and the other wrong?
These questions are common for both men and women in a mid-life marriage, and finding answers to these normal issues are wonderful opportunities for growing your marriage and your personal life. All relationships grow and change over time. They have an ebb and flow of periods of stability and then an onslaught of anxiety producing growth and change. What was normal' while raising children, requires an adjustment as they leave the nest and become less dependent. Roles and expectations shift naturally in all marriages, yet often it can feel unpredictable when your partner makes an uncharacteristic new decision about life; a job change, wanting to move to a new town, develops new interests new friends or hobbies. Long term partners may feel they don't know each other anymore, or feel as close and on the same life path.
Change is an inevitable part of life, but can be stress producing at the same time. Couples often get stuck in feeling threatened or angry at their partner, who is going through a positive growth spurt', or perhaps a negative downturn with finances or health. Just when a man wants to settle into a lifestyle which feels comfortable, his wife decides to go back to school to pursue her dreams she put on hold while dependent children needed her. A woman may feel her husband is selfish for buying that expensive toy he always wanted, or taking a risk to start a new business, requiring large amounts of time away from her at work. A partner may have developed negative habits such as drinking too much, or overeating and not taking care of themselves. Entertaining thoughts of an affair to escape the feeling of "is this all there is" or indulging in a secret affair is often a prime reason people seek help.
Before you run away from your marriage, or decide to just settle in resignation, there are many new ways to inspire change. Learn ways to stand up for yourself, to communicate openly, to be known authentically without needing validation by your partner. Get insight and clarity in asking for what you want. FinallyDo everything you can so you can have peace in going forward. Deciding to stay and grow, improving your life and relationship.. or deciding to leave and end a relationship, requires courage, and may make the difference in how you move into your future.
Take heart! There is hope, wisdom, a way through your situation. If any of this sounds like your marriage, and you seek a way to make sense of it, in order to produce positive changes, with an experienced, mature, non-judgemental counselor, I invite you to take that first step to a more satisfying love life. Call Midlife Center and make an appointment for a free 10 minute call: 208-691-2515 Sandra Winterer, MSW, LCSW.
