subject: Relationships - The Real Limitations! - Motivational/Keynote Speaker (NNOS Studios of Ohio) [print this page] One of the most typical issues I run into when working with individuals is people believing that the circumstance or condition they are found in is the reason why they cannot move forward or achieve. This is completely understandable because it's the way the majority of us were unintentionally and indirectly brought up. Now the summary is that we only have two real limitations: the fear of not being loved; the fear of not being good enough. Everything else is only an illusion that we often unknowingly choose to go with, largely because it allows our brain to stop working. Read on.
Stacy believes that her marriage is not going to work out because of the physical distance between her and her husband. He works 1,000 miles away and she believes that they need to be close to each other in order for it to work. As a result, deep inside she has begun to feel depressed. She feels like she's not the Stacy she used to be.
Now because she believes that her marriage is falling apart because of the distance between her and her husband, the results that she is seeing are being linked by her brain to that belief. These "intersections" of circumstance and physical results, are known as reference points. They give inaccurate descriptions or meanings(in our brains) to conditions. Everytime we see the condition, the brain points to the reference point(the description) that we once initiated about it. This successfully keeps us from getting to the core of the problem. It allows our brains to stop working by pointing to what appears to be the issue, which in the above case, Stacy cannot change.
In actuality, we can always affect a situation. But when we believe in an inaccurate reference point, we can't.
Let's go back to the two root limitations: the fear of not being loved, and the fear of not being good enough. You can probably see how those two are the core of Stacy's problem. Those fears are a problem with her self-image: the person she believes herself to be. The danger is that her interpretation of the problem totally masks the real problem. Since she can't even see the real problem, there's no way she can correct it. The results she is seeing only support this false belief.
But now the individual has to take responsibility. The brain gets put to work, and in the short run, that is harder. The solution is to change the self-image. This only touches the tip of what really goes on in the brain. There are mechanisms in each of our brains that maintain our current set of beliefs. They control what we recognize...like the music, the cars, etc. Ever realize how you're suddenly noticing all the other cars on the road that are just like the one you bought? They were always there, and always seen by your eyes, but they were ejected as data that was not relevant to what your brain was looking for.
The work goes into the self-image. And it takes effort. But how much do you want the change?
To your success,
Dennis Andrew
NNOS Studios Coaching Division
Relationships - The Real Limitations! - Motivational/Keynote Speaker (NNOS Studios of Ohio)
