subject: How To Keep Him Close When He Starts To Pull Away. [print this page] Question: Question:
My man is starting to get distant in our relationship and I'm not sure why or what to do next. How can I get him closer to me when he starts to pull away?
Answer:
Is your man pulling away from you in your relationship? It's probably safe to say that you've seen a similar pattern in most of your serious long term relationships. You get serious and he starts to pull away. There comes a point in a relationship when things start to get more and more serious and you want to take it to the next level, but he's just not emotionally there yet. If this sounds familiar I'm sure the next thing you did was chase him down and try and figure out what the heck was going on with him. When you let him know just how you were feeling about things what happened next? Did you feel like the relationship you had was now non existent and hanging by a thread? I'm sure this is very frustrating for any woman who has experienced the same thing with their man.
So what's the real reason that men withdraw in their relationships? Well, if you've read John Gray' s "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" book you'll understand that this is somewhat of a natural instinct for men. In the book he explains that this type of behavior goes all the way back to the caveman days when men were hunter-gatherer's and as part of their methods of protection they needed to emotionally withdraw from a situation.
Men by nature are problem solvers and they will often do whatever it takes to fix the situation and make things better, so don't take it personally if he goes off on his own for a while he tries to figure things out. Tell me if the following has ever happened to you: You've just had a nice romantic evening together and you're laying in bed together when suddenly he just up and disappears. What the heck is going on here? One minute you think you're bonding and getting closer and then the next he's no where to be seen. It's not that he's not into you or doesn't enjoy your company, it's simply that he's on to solve his next project.
I know it's frustrating, but your man's ability to compartmentalize things is something you need to both understand and accept. Don't allow this to drive an emotional wedge between you in your relationship, instead learn from it and use it to your advantage. Because if you don't, you could end up losing him. If you let him go and give him space when he needs it, he'll happily come back to you. Men are pulled in many different directions and a lot of the time his efforts are focused on providing for you and dealing with his future relationships. So as I said before, his ability to compartmentalize his emotions and move from task to task is a good thing for you and the more you understand and accept this the better your chances are of keeping him for good.
Now that you know why he retreats when trying to figure things out, don't be surprised if this happens to you when he's trying to figure out the future of your relationship. A large part of why he's pulling away from you is because he realizes that it's time to start thinking about the future together and up to this point it's not something he's considered.
So when this happens to you, stay calm and don't freak out. He's simply doing what comes natural to him. If you try and push the issue, he'll end up seeing you as someone who is trying to take control of his life and make him do something he's not ready for. He'll feel like you've cornered him and instinctively he'll look for a way out. So the best advice I can give you is to give him his space to make his own decisions in his own time. If you do this he'll respect you because you're not pressuring him into something and he'll realize that you are indeed the lady for him.
