subject: Why I Hate Schnitzel Dogs And Avoid The Drips That Own Them [print this page] There are more and more free online girl games, and one that has really caught on involves a cat which has to try and catch a Chihuahua. Players have a choice of playing the cat or the Chihuahua. There is a cellphone version women often play, often times while their kids juggle knives a few feet away, or they plow through a red light.
The new game made me ponder on of my biggest irritations in life: schnitzel dogs. Most people have certain things that make them leery of a person. If they see a person do these things, they decide they are deranged or dysfunctional. For me, one the most severe warning signs is a schnitzel dog. A schnitzel dog is of course a long, slender, tiny dog.
I was renting a room in this house with four marines. No one ever hassled us at a dance club, that's for sure. You'd suppose that a bunch of hard-as-coffin-nails devil dogs would own a pet pit bull or Great Dane or velociraptor. Nope. One of the marines just loved his two dachshunds. I housesitted one weekend for the marines while they went to some terrorism conference or something. The dachshunds were in heat and horny. The female dachshund's vagina was swollen and reminded me of a ripe mango. The male dachshund went insane chasing her, but she would never let him have his way. This went on for days. The idea of holding her down and letting the dog do his business to shut him up crossed my mind more than once.
After that I hated schnitzel dogs. About a month later I came home and the devil dog who owned the dachshund dogs was masturbating to video footage of an AC-130 Spectre flying gunship. This is plane that rains thousands of rounds per second down from miles out. They mean it when they say gunship. It was picking off innocent Iraqis, and the devil dog was beating his meat while he watched them die.
That was the last time I ever met someone totally well-adjusted who had a schnitzel dog.
You always see their owners bring schnitzel dogs into public places, as if they are some kind of security blanket or something. They'll put close on the mutts, hand knit sweaters, ribbons in their hair, even tacky little hats. They'll talk to them, even carry the dog in their arms like a baby. Couldn't the thing survive in the car for a few minutes? Sure it could. Whether the whacked in the head neurotic dog owner could is a separate question.
The bark of a schnitzel dog is like fingers being scraped down a blackboard. They bark incessantly, and often oscillate like atoms while doing so. One is reminded of royalty that inbred too much.
Even if I meet someone who I think is cool, when I see they own a schnitzel dog, I run. Especially chicks. No matter how sane she seems, if she has a schnitzel dog, she's a psycho. Bank on it.
Now when I come across a videoholic playing one of those popular free online girl games in which the cat chases the Chihuahua, I can't help envisioning some psycho drip with their soul mate the schnitzel dog. I love to give a schnitzel dog the old Viniateri, punt it like a 60 yard game winning attempt. For once I'd be able to smile while a schnitzel dog barked its annoying bark, because this time it would be arcing up, up, and away.
