subject: Invitation Etiquette Snafus [print this page] I brought it on myselfI brought it on myself. Ill own up to that. When we started putting save the dates together, we encountered a few sticky whom-to-invite situations. I should have confronted the issues when they surfaced and taken the time to ask my family/friends/you guys for advice. Instead, I thought to myself: that sounds like a problem for future me! Well, Future Me is here now, and she HATES Former Me for her negligence.
Children?
Oh, the children issue. We thought wed skirted it because, when we got engaged, we barely knew anyone with kids under 10. But now our invitation list has changed and currently includes several people with young kids. Our reception is really not kid friendlya historical property for which we carry a hefty event insurance policy, theres an open bar, probably cigars for the patio, etc. My mom assured me that most people wont even want to bring their kidsmuch more fun to have a grown-up evening to eat a nice dinner, dance and utilize the open bar. I guess well see what happens. If young kids show up on RSVPs, I may hire a babysitter/RN/whatever classifications are important to parents and have him/her available in the downstairs red room of our venue. Ill cross that bridge when I come to it. No biggie.
What I learned:
Be ready to roll with the punches with your invite list, especially if youre engaged for longer than it takes people to make and birth babies. And if you really dont want or cant have children at your event (which I think is perfectly fair and 100% your prerogative BTW), be clear but polite.
Theyre Not Coming, But Invite Them Anyway
This has happened with a few people, on my side of the guest list and PDogs. These people have actually, verbally said to our parents, We cant come. The polite thing to do, as I understand it, is send them a formal invitation anyway. But is that polite? I worry that it comes across like Im soliciting a gift, saying- I know you cant come, but heres this fancy invitation so maybe youll feel compelled to send us something. I dont need a gift! I just want you to feel included!
What I learned: Order more cheap wedding invitations than you think you need. In my case, our families are so excited about our wedding, and they just want to share that excitement with people. I still dont know if Im doing the right thing, but Id rather err on the side of making people feel included.
Fringe Folks
We have quite a few people on a bubble list. These are people who weve drifted from a little bit or who live far away and most likely wouldnt even come. Im running low on invitations (even though I ordered lots of extras) and there are already so many people Ill want to spend time with on that day. But I still dont feel good about not inviting people
What I learned: Flip the situation around and put yourself in their shoes. Would you feel hurt if you werent invited to theirs? Or would you understand? Will not inviting them damage your relationship? Will you care if it does?
