subject: 10 Tips For Improving Communication [print this page] 10 Tips for Improving Communication 10 Tips for Improving Communication
Relationships are incredibly challenging for human beings, probably because we are remarkably poor as a species at communicating! We tend to think that if we spit out words, then meaning will be conveyed. Sometimes we even think that words arent necessary. But good communication takes both keen awareness and care. Relationships flourish as the quality of conversations improves. Here are some communication tips that we find helpful.
Be a good listener When someone is talking to us, they deserve our full attention. They deserve at least a short space of uninterrupted time to speak whats on their mind. And we cant listen properly if were rehearsing what were going to say while theyre still speaking.
Speak in I statements I know what Im experiencing but I can never know with certainty whats happening for anyone else. If we always limit our statements to our own reality, we avoid speaking incorrectly for and about others.
Choose words with care How often have you thought one word and said another? It happens all the time when were not really paying attention. And those kinds of inadvertent mistakes wreak havoc on clear communication! It helps to slow down and be conscious of what were saying.
Ask, dont assume As noted above, we can never know what another person thinks and feels, so we should never assume that we know whats going on for another. We can ask them to tell us. For example, rather than saying, You must feel terrible about this! simply ask, How are you feeling?
Ask open-ended questions Open-ended questions cant be answered with a yes or a no response. Asking open-ended questions helps us avoid assumptions and misinterpretations because were asking the other to provide details that strengthen our understanding. For example, substitute a question like, Do you like being a parent? with What do you find most challenging and rewarding about being a parent?
Avoid blaming Anytime we blame someone, we block open communication. Rather than criticize someone elses behaviour, we can look inside and take responsibility for ourselves. This is the time to use the I statements described above.
Take time outs Dont try to converse when emotions are high. Whenever possible, postpone any discussion to a time when everyone is more calm and stable.
Become aware of habitual patterns When were in an ongoing relationship, we adopt habitual patterns that unconsciously govern the way we interact. It can be helpful to reflect on how we repeatedly react in different situations. Awareness of our patterns brings the freedom to choose to act differently.
Understand your partners needs and wants It seems obvious but have we ever asked our partner what s/he needs and wants from us? If one partner is upset, does s/he want space? To be held? To be heard? To receive advice? Knowing the answer to this fundamental question helps us offer the best kind of support when its most needed. And be patient if your partner doesnt initially have an answer we dont always know what we most need and want. If you dont get an answer at first, persevere!
Value diversity Communication is easily blocked when people move into judgment that basically says, Im right and youre wrong. When we can open to different points of view, when we respect the opinions of others even when they differ from our own, we pave the way for true communication.
Interested in more guidance around effective communication? We highly recommend Marshall B. Rosenbergs book Nonviolent Communication A Language of Compassion.
