subject: Comes From God [print this page] We also have to be careful about the things that we do which could possibly devalue our spouse. Mentioning them in negative light in public conversation. Setting up a date night and not showing up. Spending time on the cell phone instead of being alone with ones spouse. You have to be careful in how you convey messages to your spouse through tone of voice and kind words.
PRESTON:In week three we left communication and moved right into conflict resolution. It is not surprising that many of you asked questions on how to deal with conflict in marriage. I have several questions that I want to bounce off you guys. How do you two handle finances in your marriage? Many couples have financial stress and pressure.
Maybe one of the spouses is a drive by spender and the other one is more conservative. Or maybe both are drowning in the seas of debt. There is no pressure like financial pressure. I challenge the husbands and wives here to have a biblical view of money. What Lisa and I have tried to do over the years of our marriage is say that everything that we have comes from God. That is a no-brainer for us. Usually we sit down at the beginning of the year and go over our budget for the coming twelve months. We live pretty much by the 10-10-80 principle. We give at least 10% to the church. We have given much more than that but that is the baseline of what we do. Then we try to save at least 10%. We live on the remaining 80%. That is the 10-10-80 principle. When we are talking and praying about the budget, we know some basic guidelines.
I think that some couples make serious mistakes when one spouse has a little account that the other doesnt know about. That is a little 007-type action. I think that there should be full disclosure. I think that you need to talk about major purchases. Usually we talk about the goals we have for the year. I like to talk about furniture and maybe Ed likes to discuss taking a fishing trip. We talk about our family vacation. We put in money for emergencies. We dont go into that conversation selfishly. We go in there thinking about one another and the whole family picture. It is how can we use wisely what God has blessed us with to pay our bills, to eat and to enjoy ourselves.
You talked about full disclosure. That brings up an interesting question that people ask. What is your view on pre-nuptial agreements that people use to negotiate a marriage? If someone is thinking about a pre-nuptial agreement, I would challenge him or her not to make one. I dont think that you should go into marriage with a question mark. I think you should go into marriage with an exclamation point.
Now understand that we had less than $1,800 to our name when we got married. Right. But that is what I would advise. You dont want to go into marriage being unsure. How do you deal with the controversial concept of submission in your family?
That whole issue in the Bible has been misconstrued and taken out of context. Here is what the Bible says. It says that the husband has the spiritual responsibility of the relationship. He is the leader. It doesnt mean that he is on a pedestal and the wife is below him. We play on a level playing field before God. However, I am, the Bible says, to love Lisa like Jesus loved the church. How much did He love the church? He laid down His life for the church. Christ took the initiative.
Ed Young Ministries tells us that even though we dont deserve to be loved, He loved us. If I love Lisa with a self-sacrificing love, she is free and she will experience great freedom to be submissive, to love me yet to do her life like she wants it to be done. There are many times when we have big decisions. I think that maybe we should go a certain way, but she will point out other factors that she thinks should be included in the decision. Then I might change. But I know at the end of the day, as far as Gods chain of command, the final decision rests on the shoulders of the husband.
