subject: Counselor - Learning The Best Way To Progress To A Much Better Marital Relationship [print this page] A good counselor teaches that one of the foundational means to move up to an improved union; is to learn how to leave other relationships behind. Many people are having difficulties in their marriages because they continue to allow their parents to have far more input than they should.
The convenience of having your parents take sides in an argument you are going through with your spouse might be very appealing. We wish to believe that our biological parents are objective and have our best interests at heart. If we are straightforward with ourselves, we would openly confess that our reliance on them is limiting our capacity to connect and unite with our significant other.
Many parents have trained their grown up kids to believe that they are responsible for the happiness of their parents. This is a wrong belief at best, and a disastrous one at worst. Parents who attempt to influence the actions of their grownup children and their spouses typically are not giving them the necessary room they have to establish a good family unit.
Many grown kids are trying to do the right thing in regards to maintaining a healthy relationship with their parents. Unfortunately, they usually feel torn between the sense of responsibility to their parents and their duty to their spouse. They can get swept up in seeking to play the peace keeper between the two different parties, when they should really be aligned with their husband or wife.
When we get wedded, our top concern becomes our spouse; not our parents, not our children, not our work, not our close friends. Apparent borders have to be set for the husband and wife to thrive in, and this doesn't mean the in-laws and out-laws will consequently appreciate the limits that are set up. No matter, the bond to the spouse must take primary spot on an individual's list of primary concerns if the marriage partnership is going have a fighting chance.
The fact is that, large amounts of parents will not likely appreciate and respect your decision to make your partner your number 1 concern. They will whine like little babies and use significant dosages of guilt and pity to attempt to get one or both of you to conform with their demands for more input into how your family runs. You must figure out how to resist their desire to meddle; whatever the cost, however long it takes, you absolutely must figure out how to avoid their overtures for greater influence of your family life.
If you don't discover how to "leave and cleave," you will live a super long and mind numbing life full of really small moments of happiness and prolonged drawn out days, months and years of nagging disappointment.
