subject: Can Separation Save Your Marriage? [print this page] As much as we may try to save a failing marriage, sometimes there is nothing more we can do. Or is there? If you have tried everything else, maybe a trial separation is worth a try. Often the separation period gives each person the opportunity to step back and evaluate the relationship. This can lead to either the decision to reconcile or separate permanently.
So if you end up getting divorced in the end anyway, what was the purpose of the separation? Well, not all couples will get divorced at the end of the separation period. In fact, many couple may find that they are able to resolve their problems when they step back and look at them objectively.
When couples have problems there is a lot of emotion around them whenever they are together. By living apart for awhile allows them to put emotion aside and look at things in a different light. Now this isn't to say that all emotion will be gone, that isn't true. The emotions are still there but you won't have heated arguments every time you are both home.
Living separately will allow you both to see what it would be like on your own. To make the separation work properly, make sure you respect each other's privacy. If you are the one who moved out, don't walk into your spouse's home like you used to. It is there space now so show respect and ring the bell. You should also divide up furniture and other property equally so you will both be able to live comfortably. Remember, this is a trial separation but you need to divide a few things like it is permanent.
The best way to achieve marital unity through separation is to include counseling as part of the deal. You can do couples counseling as well as individual sessions. This will allow both of you to meet on neutral ground and discuss the issues that are bothering you. The therapist may give you exercises to work through to help improve your communication skills. If you really want to make your marriage work, make sure you follow the advice of the counselor and really give it your best shot.
You may find that you get along better when you are living apart. This could be a sign that you would be great co-parents if you get divorced or it could show that you are both happier if you are apart. If you still argue when you are together, maybe a permanent separation is the answer.
Divorce is a sad way to end a family, however if life at home is unbearable for everyone involved, perhaps it is the best option. Give a trial separation a try and see if you can find a way to save your marriage first. At least then if the marriage ends you will know you tried everything you could to save it.
