subject: Rebuilding a Marriage After an Affair: What to do? [print this page] Extramarital affairs can be a devastating blow to a marriage. The marriage after an affair will involve a lot of trust issues that can take a very long time to come back to. When a couple took their marriage vows it was an understanding that the vows would not be in vain. When a spouse has an affair the injured party may wonder if the vows spoken had ever meant anything to the cheating spouse.
Most couples do not go into a marriage believing that one or the other could cheat on them. It is usually many years into the marriage before trouble starts to take shape. Over fifteen percent of wives and twenty five percent of husbands have cheated on their spouses during their marriage. The biggest question that most spouses have is whether their marriage can be salvaged after an affair.
Another vow that is taken during a marriage ceremony are the vows of "for better or for worse." An extramarital affair would constitute a worse scenario. When there is love involved between two people the marriage can get through anything as long as that love is not lost. Just because a spouse has an affair does not mean that they no longer love their spouses.
An affair can mean different things to a man and a woman. If the male spouse has an affair the main thing that the wife worries about is the intimacy that her husband may feel towards the other woman. It is ten times harder for a woman when she knows that her husband may be in love with another woman. For husbands just the thought of another man touching his wife is enough to send him over the edge.
Using Communication to Save the Marriage
Before a marriage can be saved the affair must be over and done with. A marriage cannot be saved if the spouse is still seeing the other person. The affair must be ended before any further communication can commence. A marriage after an affair can be saved if both parties want their marriage to work, and are willing to take the necessary steps to fix the problems in the marriage. The reasons for the affair must be brought out into the open.
Suppressed emotions, grievances, thoughts, and needs must be discussed in order to repair a marriage. The problems that sparked the spouse to cheat must be the main ingredient for the discussion. The injured spouse must always remember that it is not their fault for the affair. The cheating spouse is always at fault. No matter what problems a marriage may have in it there is no excuse to go outside of the marriage. The injured spouse has every reason to be angry and to feel betrayed.
Repairing the Marriage After an Affair
Even though the injured spouse has every reason to feel angry, when it comes to repairing their marriage after an affair, they must have the utmost respect and understanding for the cheating spouse. The injured spouse is not giving the cheating spouse a get out of jail free card by giving them respect, but it will be the only way that both parties can talk about their differences in a mature and calm manner. Throwing accusations at each other will only create more animosity and will ultimately put each other on the defense.
The only way to truly repair a marriage is for both spouses to forgive each other and to understand that they are both human. When both parties know that mistakes will be made in life and in a marriage they can talk freely with each other without judgment or respite. Saving the marriage after an affair will take work, love, devotion, understanding, and a lot of little baby steps to work themselves back to each to other, but it can be done.
Rebuilding a Marriage After an Affair: What to do?
