subject: Coping with adolescence [print this page] Characteristics of adolescence: Characteristics of adolescence:
Adolescence is a period in which adolescents develop their grownup identity. The adolescent goes through hormonal changes (which explain many of their mood changes), physiological changes and psychological one. All these changes bring the adolescents to experience a paradoxical conflict: on the one hand, they seek control. On the other hand, these changes show that they have no control over these changes and what they are going through. This difficulty leads to. It is easier for the adolescents to blame their parents for their suffering and that belief give them the legitimacy to kick, scream, refuse, threaten and rebel. One would think that after such a conduct, they'd feel better, but they do not. They even become more miserable since deep down, they are not proud of themselves when they act that way. Yet, they are not the only ones suffering. Sometimes, their parents are just as miserable.
In the adolescence period, adolescent form their self-identity. This is being influenced by their self-image, sexual identity and social position. These dimensions can explain to a great extant, the way adolescents deal with adolescence, the degree of the rebellion and the extent of the suffering or depression. The depression is usually the result of thinking distortions. The common thinking distortions adolescence experience are (D. Burns):
All or nothing - black or white dichotomous thinking. Adolescents perceive themselves at endpoint: Either they are beautiful or they are ugly. Either they are smart or they are stupid. Either they are IN or they are OUT. They have no "in between".
Excessive generalization. An example: Low grade in one test can result in the belief that the teenager is a "complete failure" and that he would fail in all other courses.
Filter retardation: An example: If, God forbid, the adolescent have a zit, all he sees in himself is the zit. She is also convinced that all others see in her is that zit. The zit defines her. Trying to point out the absurdity of it, will only prove that you can not understand the situation and push them further away.
Empower or minimization- extreme judgment: An example: If a teenage girl asks a boy friend to a movie and he refuses, she'll feel doomed. The rumor will spread around in school, everyone will either laugh at her or fill sorry for her, and she won't be able to show her face in school again Long live the drama!
How can parents help teenagers?
Leave an open communication channel.
Show them the bright side of life but don't expect them to see it right a way. Help them cope with the thinking distortions in a constructive way. Sometimes a help from a professional (cognitive behavioral therapist) is beneficial.
Remind your child that you love him. Do not let their changing moods get to you. Remind yourself that it is the hormones and the psychological phase they are at, and that it will pass.
Stay calm. Do not react angrily to their anger. Be able to see the child difficulty and distress that hide behind his behavior.
Do not give up on your self respect. Demanded respect.
Don't be fooled: Adolescents may be physically big and sometimes even look like an adult. That doesn't mean that they can think or behave like adults.
How can parents help themselves?
Do not go into corners. Realize that you need to compromise.
Remind yourself that the relationship with your child is more important than anything else. Even if the child fails in school, it doesn't mean that he will not go back to school as he gets older, or- he may do well in life with school. If you will ruin your relationship with your child because of something like that, that will be much harder to bridge.
Recognize that the children's body, their brain and their mouth are in their control and that you have no way to control it. You can, for example, create an environment suitable for studding, but you can not force them to study. You can turn the computer or TV off at 2200 but you can not get them to study if they do not want to. Accept and respect your child's choices, especially when they are not in line with yours. This way, you can lessen the number of conflicts, increase cooperation and create an atmosphere that is more pleasant to live in.
Let your children make their own choices and learn from their own mistakes. Be there for them not as a judge, but as an empathic caretaker.
Do not give up on your self respect. If you do not get respect, give one warning, name the price (rights denial), and stand by it. For example: If they do not respect you, they will gradually stop getting services, like laundry.
Respect your child's privacy and allow him to retreat in his room and promise him that you will not get in unless you knock first. At the same time, demanded that the child will respect your desire to see what happens with him in his room. This means that the door will be closed but not locked. If the child resent that and does not agree, as a last resort, you can consider removing the door.
