subject: Why Many Cheaters Don't Want To Come Clean [print this page] I sometimes get emails from folks who know that their partners or spouses or cheating, but they don't have concrete proof, and although they've confronted them, the spouse or partner just continues to deny it, offers up a lot of excuses, or tellsyou that you're being overzealous or insecure. Statistically, most spouses with thisintuition turn out to be right. Many of them intuitively know this, which is why they ask me things like "when will he come clean because we both know he's cheating?," or "how can I convince, shame, or guilt him into fessing up about the cheating and finally telling me the truth?" I'll answer these questions in the following article.
Why The Odds Are Not Good ThatThey're NotGoing To Tell You About The Affair OnTheir Own: First off, I have to get this out of the way. There is somestatistic out there from an infidelity study which indicates that only ten percent of cheaters ever admit the truth and most of the time, they make these admissions after they have been caught or after the affair is already long over.
Why is this? Well, think about it. People who cheat have already been able to reconcile this act with their conscience. And, they've already demonstrated that they want to be actively involved in both relationships. If they wanted the person that they cheated with more than they wanted you, they would've already divorced or broken up with you. And, if they didn't want the person that they are or were cheating on you with, they would stop the affair. So, you already know that they want both of these things at once at least right now. So, knowing this, then, why would they admit to this when doing so what make them stop the enjoyable charade that they have going?
In truth, it's completely likely that they think that no one will ever find out and no one needs to get hurt. Why get this off their chest only to hurt you, end the relationship, and allow everything to come crashing down around them? I can hear what you're thinking because I'm thinking it too: "Because it's the truth. Because it's the right thing to do. Why make both of us live a lie? I deserve to know the truth." Yes, you absolutely do, which leads me to.
Most Cheaters Will Only Tell The Truth When You Catch Them: I do occasionally get emails from people who tell me that they actually caught their spouse red handed cheating or they have indisputable proof, and yet their spouse was still brazen enough to say things like "it's not what you think." You've seen it with your own eyes and yet they're still asking you to deny what's right in front of you.
Still, most people will show you enough respect to not question the unquestionable. Most people will have no choice but to know the jig is up once you present them with photos, texts, emails, readouts from GPS trackers, and video which leaves absolutely no doubt what is happening. And, the proof is almost always there, no matter how careful they think they've been. And, you don't need a private investigator to get these things. It's not as hard as you might think.
Still, some people just can not bring themselves to confront their loved one this way. They would rather find a way to get them to admit the affair on their own without a nasty, awkward confrontation. They are ways to do this, but they must still be connected to you and you must play this correctly, which is why this method works much less frequently.
Alternatively, you can have a mutual friend approach them with the proof and then demand that they fess up, because if they don't, the friend will spill the beans (of course, they don't know that you already know.)
However you chose to handle this is up to you, but in my experience, it's quite rare for a cheater to come clean on their own. They often need the prompting of concrete evidence or threats that you are going to find out anyway.
I was in this same situation a short time ago. My heart knew that he was cheating, but my head didn't want to acknowledge it. But after thinking on it for a long time, I decided that I really wanted to know the truth, no matter what that truth was. I learned how to get concrete information and proof that my husband thought that he had hid and erased. Once I presented this to him, he had no choice but to come clean. You can reada very personal story at http://catch-the-cheating.com/
