subject: Marriage After an Affair - Is Intimacy Gone Forever? [print this page] Has your world been blown away by adultery and now you are wondering how intimacy in marriage after an affair can be possible? Well it is a very legitimate question and one that must be answered if you are to recover from the affair and rebuild your marriage.
There is obviously a significant hurdle to overcome when it comes to intimacy in your relations after an affair. Unless you were one of the couples who fell in love overnight and got married in Vegas, you cultivated and worked on your relationship. The bond and trust you developed didn't happen overnight and neither did your closeness and friendship.
Trust is the key to intimacy and now after an affair the dilemma is how to restore trust in the marriage.
Restoring Trust in Marriage After An Affair
The only way in my humble opinion for trust to be restored in a marriage after an affair is for the one who betrayed to earn it. The way that occurs is by couples sitting down and working out what that means to them. Although this is a complicated matter restoring trust is pretty straight forward. However, there is no guarantee that trust will be there in the end.
It's vital that the spouse cheated on clearly think through and communicate what is needed to begin restoring trust. These needs must be S.M.A.R.T. (specific, measurable, actionable, realistic, and time-bound).
If you can clearly communicate and agree with your cheating partner what you need him or her to do, and make sure they are realistic and time-bound, if applicable, it will help you decide if you can begin trusting again.
After Trust Is Restored
It obviously will take longer for some to trust again than others. It's important for you to move forward as your heart and mind allow you to. However, if your relationship is going to work in the long run, you must be willing to trust again.
Once the trust is restored or is being restored it will become easier to become intimate with your spouse again. This can be painful for a lot of folks so don't feel bad if you are struggling with this aspect of the recovery.
I would suggest that you express your feelings and heart to your spouse. Don't hold in your feelings and let him or her make assumptions about your distancing. Yes, you were wronged and deserve time to heal. However, if you want to rebuild intimacy in marriage after an affair, being able to confide in your spouse is a good starting place.
Some folks have found it helpful to take it slow. Take baby steps before you start walking or running again and eventually you will have intimacy again in your marriage.
You will be fighting negative thoughts and images and fears but please keep the ultimate goal in mind. You want to be healed and have a great marriage after an affair.
If you are struggling with repairing your marriage after an affair, please visit here, Affair Repair, and see how it is possible to recover and have a better marriage.
Marriage After an Affair - Is Intimacy Gone Forever?
