Letting go of people and romantic relationships is a hard thing to do for anybody. I don't know of one person who doesn't take time in releasing and letting go, regardless of how the ending happens mutually, one-sided or forced when the partner suddenly passes away. Sure the time taken to heal and the manner in which people decide to heal may vary from person to person but there is a commonality through it all for anyone who has suffered through an emotional situation and that is Loss.
That loss is also the very reason why we tend to hold on to things. So what is the loss about? It comprises of -
1) Loss of a person, yep even if there were differences You had a history whether you were together for 6 months or 6 years or 60; and that time together had some good moments , had love, care and affection or else there would never have been a connection in the first place. The bond is even tighter if there have been significant events attached like children or marriage or struggles through difficult times together. When the ending happens, it is a loss of a friend, a companion, sometimes one's only outlet, a support system. And that makes things difficult to handle.
2) Loss of an idea When you entered that relationship, you had plans, ideas and expectations of what you would like the future to look like. You had hopes, of things lasting for a lifetime. If you were single, you had dreams of finding the one and perhaps even settling down, if you were married, you had plans of spending the rest of your lives together. And with the ending of the relationship, that dream of everlasting happiness is crushed; your hopes dashed.
Losing something you cherish is difficult as it is and when you lose something unexpectedly, it becomes even more difficult because of what is known as unfinished business. What that basically means is that you still have questions but don't have your partner to answer them for you. You have things to say but who do you say it too.
Feelings, especially negative ones also hinder and delay our process of healing. If there are feelings of anger and resentment, they can also cause us to hold on to things longer. Sometimes even accepting that truly the relationship is over takes time to happen. I believe the timelines of when the actual relationship ends and when it ends in the mind are almost always different.
The question to ask yourself is really are you ready to move on? Are you ready to face the reality of things? Or would you rather just hold onto the memories. And it's okay if you are not ready to let go.
One thing though that I do urge you to bear in mind as you're going through your healing process is to be aware when that appropriate time has come to let go. Ask yourself Why am I really holding on to things? You'd be surprised sometimes at what the answer is. Don't let your ego come in the way. That's right, besides the feelings, sometimes we can even hold onto things because, our pride got hurt, our ego how can so and so leave me those sort of thoughts can delay the process.
It's easy to fall and stay in that place of complacency where even though enough time has passed and logically you have accepted the end, yet you are holding off from enjoying your present because of your past.
Past Memories are just memories, hold on to them if they are worth preserving but also clear out the space to create new ones.
Life will become easier and more enjoyable that way!
