subject: Moving On From Martial Separation And Divorce - A Comprehensive Guide For Men [print this page] Moving on from marital separation and divorce will be difficult for both the men and women involved. The only difference is that, women tend to have more in terms social and professional resources to help get them through, while men on the other hand usually end up fending for themselves ending up with varying degrees of success. If you find yourself getting stuck in this seemingly endless post-divorce zone and are finding it difficult to get out then this short guide will be able to help you out.
Stages of Divorce
The emotional stages that divorce brings is actually quite similar to losing a loved one with the main difference being the fact that the person you love and care about the most is still there, only now, you will no longer be able to interact with her the same way that you did before, which is very painful. The usual stages of divorce will go something like this:
Denial - When you first hear about the divorce, most likely you will find it very hard to believe. The full reality of the situation will take time to sink in and you are still very hopeful that things will start looking up soon.
Anger - Once reality sets in, anger will be the very first reaction that you will feel. You have been hurt and revenge will be the very first thing that will come to mind. To make matters worse, your anger can sometimes get the best of you, prompting you to lash out even to individuals who are remotely involved with the divorce.
Bargaining - Once the anger has subsided, it will usually be replaced with panic and desperation. Often you will be forced to use every method that you know (yes even the cheap ones) in order to force or coerce your wife into getting back with you.
Depression -Sadness and depression usually follow once all of the anger, the pleading and the denial has come to pass. This is a dangerous stage that many find difficult to recover from, especially if there is no support.
Acceptance - The good news is that most men will eventually reach the stage of acceptance. The bad news is that it might take longer depending on how you are able to understand the processes involved and how well you are able to control your emotions in order to instill rationality.
Underlying Psychology
While emotions such as anger, grief and depression can be easily seen the reason that these emotions come into play is because of deeper underlying psychological elements.
To make the long story short, your ego has taken a huge blow during the divorce and will need to be changed in order to move on. Aside from your ego, self-esteem will also be at an all time low. Mix the two together and you will generally have a power hungry monster to deal with. This deadly combination can trap you in an endless cycle of self-destructive behavior that is designed to make you feel more powerful and better about yourself by any means necessary.
Forgiveness
Forgiveness is the final stage to being completely over a divorce and on to a better and happier life. This will seem to be quite an impossible task to undertake especially when you are still living in the hell that post divorce has created, but nonetheless it is essential in achieving total recovery.
Being able to forgive does not mean that you condone anyone"s actions, or that you agree to what has happened. It just means that you no longer hold any resentment or anger towards the people that have caused you such pain and misery.
