subject: The Art of Saying No [print this page] Most of us have been thereMost of us have been there. Someone asks you for a favor and even though you have no time, you agree to help. As a result you feel overwhelmed and stressed. It is great to give service and help your fellowman, but when it comes at the expense of your family and your sanity, it is time to draw the line. Learn to say that little two letter word, no.
So many of us tend to say yes when we really mean no and why do we do that? We are a society of pleasers. The need to be accepted and liked is present in all of us, although some people have learned to accept themselves and don't feel the need to gain acceptance from others. But the rest of us feel that if we say no we will be disliked. Not only that, we tend to heap piles of guilt upon ourselves to the point we are shamed into saying yes to almost anything. Thoughts of what others will think of us go through our heads until we give in. But it doesn't have to be that way.
The first step in learning to say no is to learn to accept yourself the way you are. It really doesn't matter what other people think of you if you can't be happy with yourself. When you begin to love and accept yourself, you will be more aware of your own needs. You will be able to put yourself and your family before all the favors and projects you are asked to do. By being able to step back and see how one more project will affect your life will let you be objective when giving an answer. Sometimes you will see you can fit the favor into your life and you can say yes, other times the answer will be no. But you will have an easier time making the decision if you have an acceptance of your priorities.
Don't make excuses! When you tell someone no, you don't need to give them a list of reasons why. That just sounds like you are justifying your answer. A simple No, I just can't fit it in my life right now' or a similar answer is plenty. Don't list all the things you have going on, it doesn't matter. You just can't help them right now, don't make lame excuses.
Let go of the guilt. After you tell someone no, don't stew about it. So many times we say no and then we go home and pile on the guilt. Usually, after a guilt fest, we call the person back and tell them yes. Don't feel guilty because you put your family first! That is what is most important and you need to make sure they know that.
Say yes when you can. The purpose of this article is not to tell you to decline every opportunity you have. It is important to perform service and help others, that one of the reasons we are here on this earth. Just know when you have reached your limit and don't over extend yourself.
Learning to say no can help you live a healthier, happier, and less stressful life. Set your priorities and make sure you take care of what is important first. Then you will feel better about saying yes when you can.
