subject: Counselling - What To Do If You're In An Abusive Relationship [print this page] All healthy relationships are built on trust and respect. If there is a lack of mutual trust and respect the relationship will fail. Unfortunately too many people aren't real sure about what constitutes a healthy or unhealthy relationship, let alone an abusive one. It doesn't help any that the word abuse is often casually used in conversations where the person using it isn't clear of it's meaning. The issue of abuse is important and should be dealt with head on and not minimized because it's negative impact is far reaching.
Here's the definition of "abusive" from the dictionary.
1. insulting: intended to insult or offend somebody using abusive language
2. harmful: involving physical, psychological, or sexual maltreatment in an abusive relationship
3. wrongful: involving illegal, improper, or harmful activities using abusive methods to secure power
Do any of these definitions sound like they describe you're marriage or relationship?
If yes, here's a few things to consider...
Acknowledge there's a serious problem that needs you're utmost attention. This may seem somewhat obvious but too often people in abusive relationships try to down play the problem because they're not sure how to deal with it and are fearful that things could get even worse if they try. It can also be very difficult to accept the fact that the relationship is a far cry from what they had expected.
Recognize that you're feelings of love and affection for this person don't minimize the fact that there is a real problem of mistreatment, neglect or abuse. Having mixed feelings in situations like this is normal.
Listen to your trustworthy friends and family who will tell you the truth about your situation. A neutral third party is someone who doesn't have the same emotional investment in the relationship as you do. They can give very accurate feedback about your situation, which can help you gain the perspective you need in order to take action. There is most likely one or two people already in your life who've been trying to assist you but who you weren't receptive to. It can be very hard to remain objective about our relationship when we're in the middle of it.
It takes two to make a relationship work and only one to kill it. Let me say that again. It takes two to make a relationship work and only one to kill it. Far too many relationships have been hurt by well meaning people saying that there is equal responsibility to be shared for the failure of a relationship. In abusive relationships that is not the case. It's common for one person in the marriage to essentially hold the other person hostage because of their destructive behaviour.
