subject: 5 Steps to Forgiveness after an Affair [print this page] If you are going to save a marriage you have to find forgiveness after an affair. Initially, you may feel like learning to forgive your husband after he cheated on you is an impossible task. Indeed it may be one of the hardest things you ever have to learn in your life but it could be the most rewarding as well.
Mastering the following five steps will give you the best shot at forgiving your husband and saving your marriage after an affair. Not only will you learn to forgive your husband following these steps will also help you let go of any guilt that you may be carrying.
Be Open to Forgiveness
If you are going to save your marriage you have to be open to forgiveness. You may have no clue how to go about forgiving your husband right now, and that is okay. If you are truly open to forgiving your husband after his affair you will eventually be able to make the right decision for you. The power of positive thoughts shouldn't be overlooked at this time in your life. If you are open to forgiveness in your head and your heart then you are already ahead of the game.
Small Steps Can Lead To Big Steps after an Affair
It is unrealistic to think you can just forgive and forget overnight. Depending on what you thought the state of your marriage was when you found out about your husband's affair the feeling of betrayal that you are currently carrying is off the charts. Those types of feelings don't just go away they have to be dealt with. If you are able to start giving your husband credit for some of the little things again that is a good start. It may take some racking of the brain but I am sure that you can think of something nice that he has done for you. Another way to approach small steps lead to big steps is to try and let something go. Is there something about your husband that drives you absolutely insane? Use this time to practice forgiveness, letting go of something that could be considered petty given what you're currently going through will help keep your heart and mind open to forgiveness. If you are a person who usually sweats the small stuff doing this exercise enough times could help you learn to correct that.
Keep Score after an Affair and You Both Lose
A healthy marriage is all about give and take and healthy compromise. If you and your husband constantly find yourselves in situation where there has to be a winner and a loser you need to take a step back and re-examine. This type of outlook on your marriage is sabotaging your chances of saving it before you even get started. As an alternative to keeping score really try to make an effort to see your husband's point of view. There is a good chance you may not agree with his stance but you may be able to obtain a better understanding of your husband after an affair.
Forgiveness Starts With the Person in the Mirror
It is natural for your husband's affair to make you question your very being. There is a good chance you are blaming yourself for his actions. One of the worst things about marital infidelity is the way it makes the non-cheating spouse feel about themselves. Emotions like self doubt, self-loathing and a tremendous lack of self respect is surrounding you on a regular basis. You would be surprised just how common these feelings are after an affair. Don't play the blame game with yourself; understand right now your view of the world is distorted. Judging yourself in your current mindset will do way more harm than good.
Anger Only Consumes You
How you choose to deal with your husband's infidelity is ultimately up to you. You can choose not to accept his affair or forgive him for his affair. However, if you want to save your marriage you are going to have to forgive him. Forgiving your husband after an affair can put you in a very vulnerable position but forgiveness doesn't mean you condone his actions or that you will tolerate a repeat performance. Forgiveness means that you aren't holding his affair in your back pocket for future ammunition. Holding something like this back for future fights will ultimately doom your marriage.
