subject: Counseling - How To Know What Relationship Trouble Is And Isn't [print this page] What often hinders a person when their relationship sours, is being caught up in a state of confusion. Even for a person who's gone through various problems in a relationship before, the emotional intensity of the situation can make it difficult to understand, to comprehend. A way to make these sort of situations more manageable is to learn the patterns that are common in most relationships.
It is disappointing and painful. Each of us has expectations for marriage and dating relationships. Because the reality of our situation is so far from what we'd expected, it can be hard to swallow. Learning to accept the reality of their situation is commonly a big challenge for people. Learning how to remain hopeful, while at the same time not trying to sugar coat reality.
It is not an isolated experience that is unique to you. All people experience problems in their relationship at some time. This is important to recognize. Many times when relationship troubles get more frequent and problematic, people often feel like they are all alone in their struggles. They are not.
It is surmountable, something you can effectively deal with. There are skills you can learn to help you minimize and eliminate many of the common relationship troubles that plague people.
It is not the case that you have a fatal flaw, something terribly wrong with you. The feeling of being alone and the feeling that there is something inherently wrong with you are the two most common feelings people have when their relationship troubles start to feel like they're going to overwhelm them. People from all walks of life are working through challenging marriage and dating situations similar and in many cases almost identical to the ones you're working through.
It is predictable. Our behaviour patterns have a lot of consistency to them as a result of us humans being creatures of habit. There are generally no more than a couple core issues that hinder each person in a marriage or dating relationship. Many other issues that cause trouble are the result of these core issues. A wide range of other problems will be dealt with when the core issue is properly isolated and effectively worked on.
It is often not a simple endeavor, a process of ease. It can be rather taxing to work through conflict and learn how to negotiate your differences. To be a good partner, a good spouse, often requires more effort than we had anticipated. This includes learning new and different ways of relating to each other.
