subject: Learn To Pick Your Fights Wisely [print this page] Of course, you would not want to live in a house filled with fussing and fighting. But that does not mean that you should leave all the decisions to your kids. For a house to become a home there should be a balance. And the best way to do that is to choose your battles with your kids wisely and stick to your guns on certain issues, while remaining more flexible on others.
Parenting experts often say that the best parents are those who play the middle ground - not too strict and not too lenient. When parents become overprotective of their kids, they usually end up getting a rebel as a kid.
Have you tried squeezing a bird in your hand? The bird would likely do everything it can to break free from your grasp. Children feel no different - they could have security issues because their parents are not putting appropriate walls around them. Parents should remember that putting a fence around a child can affect him in two ways - either it constricts him, or make him feel safe.
Being the one in charge, parents are responsible in striking a sense of balance in handling their kids. And the first step is to choose their battles carefully. Rebellion may be considered safe and healthy at some extent, but beyond that needs special attention. Adolescents are expected to let go of their parents' hands and try a few things on their own as they become their own persons, in which case some rebellion is necessary.
For instance your daughter tells you that she wants to dye her hair orange from being a natural brunette, which could be a "safe" rebellion. However, when you hear your daughter say about tongue piercing or tattoos (which are more permanent) that is a different story - tattoos and piercing may not be a safe rebellion.
In order to choose your battles, you have to prioritize your concerns first. You can be very firm about issues regarding health and safety, but can loosen up about other things. Since curfew is about safety, then you should stick to it and go to battle. But other issues like what to wear or what things to bring during a trip, you can choose to back off.
Make sure that you stand firm when it comes to matters concerning school and studying as well as proper nutrition and proper hygiene. And if you are strong in your faith, then church attendance should not be a subject for debate.
When you feel that something is important and worth fighting for, go for it. But remember to choose your battles wisely - demand that your kids follow your rules, but let them know that you understand and are willing to let some things go.
