subject: How is Security Destroyed? [print this page] It is not an easy thing for us to establish security, but easy to destroy the security. Sometimes even one word, an expression can easily destroy the security. Sometimes, even though we know the truth, but we can't do that.
You want to express positive feelings, but use the negative languages. For children, destroying their relationship with you is destroying her security. Actually it is same for adults. If couples want to build trust relationship, firstly they should establish the security. No security, no trust. A wife said to her husband: "You always put bath water everywhere." This is a fact but it contains blame. Although the wife was not to blame her husband, she just hoped he could clean the water. She didn't say the blame directly, but it gave her husband countless imagination. So he won't believe his wife asked him to clean water, he would think that he was despised by his wife. And the contradiction between a husband and a wife was going to become acute. The wife who wanted to express her ideas correctly should say to the husband: Could you please clean water after shower? I am too tired to wipe the floor.
Another example, the husband came home late and he seldom cares for his wife. His wife said, "I want to divorce". The husband thought that she was serious, but what she really wanted to say to her husband is I need your love. Relationship between husband and wife is going to die as a result of improper expression. So if you want harmonious relationship, you need to learn how to express yourself positively and directly.
Security is built on the basis of love. Security is damaged by incorrect expressions which have nothing with love. Children or adults are all the same, because people always have emotions.
