subject: Stupid Dating Advice For Men [print this page] Well meaning people often say very stupid sh*t. Especially in awkward situations or when trying to offer support. Maybe its because they're embarrassed and tongue-tied. Or honestly dont have any original thoughts. Perhaps busting out a well worn cliche is the easy thing to do gives the appearance of empathy without the effort.
By echoing something seemingly incontrovertible bon mot gives them the aura of wisdom (while they enjoy the glow of feeling superior).
"Things happen for a reason" "It'll all work out" and "Just Be Yourself". I can't stand this nonsense. And I'll usually call people on their crap as soon as they start.
Things do NOT happen for a reason. Things happen. Everyone attaches their own meaning. Things may work out- but they might not work out in your favor.
Just Be Yourself? Well, what if you're a sincere guy, but you're exuding bad energy? Or you put people off because your social skills really need work? What if you're a douchebag? (Adam Corolla prefers the term "douche nozzle"- that's the part that gets the action).
I'll argue that this pervasive and seemingly innocuous advice is actually very dangerous and destructive. Lots of guys have embraced the just be yourself' advice and they haven't had a date in years.
Consensus of foolishness does not equal truth.
Who are the sages dispensing this brilliant dating advice, anyway? It comes from all corners your aunt Sophie (who's perfume is as cloying as dollar store air freshener), your single friends who's only conquests are on World of Warcraft, your couple friends (who are too lazy, comfortable or afraid to end their lousy relationship), 16 year old relationship experts' on Facebook. Even some noted PUA coaches!
In other words, they'd have you believe that you should just be patient and wait around until your perfect match discovers you, becomes intoxicated by your wonderfulness, and
Exactly- its total bullcrap.. If you've spend a day in business, you already know that in a cut-throat market, you need (among other things) a damn good product, a competitive advantage, and lots of marketing.
Just Be Yourself is an excuse to be lazy ("why should I work to improve when I can just be myself'). Its a thin rationale to wear against the bitter cold reality that you cant find a girlfriend because you've got some adjustments to make.
So Who Should I Be?
Ah, here's the kicker. You should be,,, you. Not "just" you, but the ideal you that embodies your highest values and best characteristics. The "uber" version of yourself the personification of all you strive to become. Don't be insincere, don't imitate a style that conflicts with your basic nature. You'll come off as a phony and you will fail. Rightfully so. You MUST be authentic.
Shakespeare said, "Assume a virtue if you have it not". To some degree or another, we all possess courage, enthusiasm, playfulness, curiosity, self-control, etc. In your mind, picture a fully actualized version of yourself. Fit. Confident. Relaxed. What does that look like? How does that feel? How would you act?
Well, there you have it. Stop "just" being yourself and start behaving like the person you want to become. Its a process. It requires dedication, attention, conditioning, and constant vigilance.
This isn't about quick-fixes or slick routines. Its about fearlessly taking a personal inventory, actually writing out a balance sheet of debits and credits, and coming up with a plan of action to improving your deficiencies and maximize your strengths. As you continue on your path of personal improvement, you'll be surprised at how many ladies enjoy your company.
