subject: On Confidence [print this page] Confidence is built not based on the comparison with others, but on the basis of understanding self and others. Confidence from the comparison with others is not real confidence but self-abasement.
A child's confidence or self-abasement was not built when he was born, but in the process of growing up gradually. Actually judging from the recognition and evaluation of him and others we can say he is confident or inferior. A person who can objectively evaluate himself and others must be a confident person not an inferior one. Any mother doesnt think their child is a really born stupid child, but indeed she will say this to their children, and not one time.
Have you ever said to your children: "Baby I love you, I love you so much." And he didn't believe you. If you don't say that to your children, every time when he is sick, you always meticulously care about them, and if they want you to hug them you do so, they will feel how much you love them.
I think children's self-confidence build up in the daily "combat" gradually. In this battle there are no losers, and no winners. My child and I got what we wanted. I want my children to grow up healthily and happily, while my children got respect and understanding from me. I think my child has right to decide what he wants to do such as doing homework. He shall have the right to say his word. And what would he get? In this process he is learning how to manage his own time, rather than his parents help children do time management. Time management must to be learned and practiced. Actually for children practice is a kind of learning. Studying at school and practicing is not contradictory, but two aspects of one thing, often our parents just focus on one aspect, ignore another.
A child's confidence comes from seeing his own ability, and enjoys his achievement. This achievement is from his growth, not what you give him or what you tell him. What parents should do is to help children to gain the abilities to survive, rather than replace them to do all things. Because the ability has no transmissibility, your ability is not equal to his. What you need to do is to help him learn how to capture the ability. A child's growth needs 18 years, and it is during 18 years one would make any mistakes and have chances to correct.
No child is a fool. He will believe what you say, and he will believe what you do. From what he did we can see what he thought and then we know whether this derivation is contradictory or false. This method can be used in the communication between adults. Never look down upon your children. Sometimes they can do things even you dont teach him, so caring about childrens needs is more important than children's behaviors. Then what do children need? It is not what you cant afford to buy, but something what you really ignore.
