subject: Don't Let Jealousy Ruin Your Long Distance Relationship [print this page] By Susie and Otto Collins By Susie and Otto Collins
Samantha didn't think that she'd find love again after getting divorced and being so emotionally hurt by her ex-husband, but now she has. Over an internet message board, she and Jason struck up a friendship that turned into a love relationship.
The challenge is that Samantha and Jason live in different countries. They both want to make their long distance relationship work, but they're having a tough time of it. Yes, there are plenty of fun and passionate times that they share via phone, internet and other means of communication.
There are also too many times when Samantha becomes worried and jealous. She is afraid that Jason will cheat on her just like her ex-husband did. Her jealous tirades and breakdowns, that she periodically has in front of Jason, often surprise her as much as they do him.
Even though Samantha and Jason love one another, both of them wonder if their relationship has a chance.
If you are in a long distance relationship, you might find that you have to work extra hard to stay connected. While you can certainly interact and even be intimate across the miles thanks to various forms of technology (and your creativity), it is easy for distance and disconnection to develop.
If one, or both, of you has a tendency to get jealous, this can be even more destructive in a long distance relationship.
Here's why...
When you don't get to see your partner face-to-face and in real life for long periods of time-- or ever-- you might start to fill in the blanks when you are apart.
This can certainly happen in a love relationship or marriage in which the couple lives in the same house too. But, it's usually more likely to happen with long distance relationships.
For this reason, it is vital that you learn how to calm yourself down and start to really question the assumptions you are making. These assumptions and guesses are often what fuel jealousy.
Because your interactions across the miles are so precious, if you are all stirred up and feeling jealous, it will show. Your tone of voice, body language, word choice, and more will betray that you are grappling with jealousy.
You might not be able to contain your worries and find yourself asking accusatory questions of your partner-- even if you hadn't intended to. This will undoubtedly lead to tension, conflict and distance between you and your mate.
Here's what you can do about it...
Try to understand what triggers jealousy for you.
Do you become jealous when your partner talks about taking part in particular activities or when he or she mentions a certain person? When you pinpoint what the trigger is, you can get more information-- in ways that aren't interrogating or accusatory.
This information can help you to dispel the stories that you might be creating in your mind about your partner.
One way to ask for more information is this: "Can you please tell me more about..." or "Can you please help me to understand..."
Use words that bring you closer together instead of putting your partner on the defensive.
When you look for what triggers jealousy for you, it might become clear that painful past experiences are leading you to read more into current situations than is really there.
If this is the case for you, practice bringing yourself back to the present moment. Catch yourself when you begin to think thoughts like, "He will cheat on me just like my ex did" or "She is just like all of the rest of women I've ever dated-- I can't trust her."
Deliberately bring yourself back to right here and right now and ask yourself if the statement you just told yourself is accurate and that you really know this to be true.
Don't Let Jealousy Ruin Your Long Distance Relationship
