subject: Resolving Issues To Avoid Divorce [print this page] It is often very challenging for married couples to learn how to argue constructively and to resolve conflicts. If you are willing to try to head off a divorce with conflict resolution you must apply a lot of thought as to when you are pushing your repressed feelings and ideas onto your spouse.
Most of the times it happens that many of us fight with our spouses again and again so much so that there is no option left but for the path of divorce. By handling conflict resolution differently, you can stop the cycle of arguing and prevent a divorce.
Those who don't have skills in resolving disputes maturely will go back to doing it like they did as a child. When a child is caught red-handed, we find that the child becomes furious and blames either another child or an unavoidable circumstance. The objective which you might or might not be able to appreciate, is projecting their own negativity onto someone else's shoulders so that they can blame someone else for their real or imagined shortcomings.
Most mature men and women have come to see that one must own up to the action and either say you're sorry or admit culpability, and then modify one's actions to prevent it from recurring.
Another scenario is that someone acts the martyr, assuming total guilt for things not working out the way he or she wants. This is evident of poor skills in resolving problems since there is continual anger and ill-feelings.
Believe it or not, most marriages can be saved with decent conflict resolution skills. All you have to do if you want to employ them successfully is to identify the patterns both you and your spouse use that might not be so effective in meeting your aims.
Are the fights with your spouse a criticism of you? They may be expressing their negative feelings about making enough money, job security concerns, being afraid of growing older without having any children, or any other reason. The goal is to get your spouse to see they are projecting underlying feelings onto you with better conflict resolution which may help stop a divorce.
Your spouse may use projection as a way to do with their internal feelings. While they might retaliate against you, it's likely that you have nothing to do with the real issue. Regardless of the reason, steps can be taken to prevent or halt divorce.
If you're an individual who is always apologizing, you are likely taking the blame for many things that are out of your purview. You could be falling into this kind of dysfunctional pattern, if you feel that you are the target of your spouse's hostility.
If you tend to accept complete blame for everything that's gone wrong in your relationship, try using complete honesty in assessing yourself in order to become more resolute in not allowing your partner's projections to cause you mental and emotional pain. This is a great way to use better conflict resolution skills to stop your divorce in its tracks. When you convince yourself that you can't control the circumstances and it's no fault of your own, your self esteem begins stronger and then you can allow projections to just roll right off of you.
Resolving conflicts in this manner is also very ineffective for keeping marital communications in tact. If you are ready to listen to the complaints of your spouse patiently and find solutions for them, a divorce can be avoided. The more you know about your partner's projections and how they can cause you mental pain, the greater your chances of working through them to solve the crisis in your relationship.
