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subject: Cycle of Abuse - Psychological Effects of Domestic Violence [print this page]


A Cycle of abuse occurs in a repeating pattern. It can be described as both generational and episodic abuse cycles. Generational cycles are passed down, by example and exposure, from parents to children. However, episodic cycles occur in a repeating pattern within a relationship of at least two individuals. For many victims, it is difficult to recognize when a pattern has developed in their relationship. Instead, they often see violent behaviors as isolated, unrelated incidents. Yet, episodic abuse often happens in cycles, with violent episodes that are designed to control and break the victim's spirit, interspersed with periods of calm, loving support, and nurturing care. Don't be a victim, protect your self, learn to recognize the cycle of abuse.

The four stages of the abuse cycle

The cycle may occur hundreds of times in a relationship, but the stages will vary in time and intensity, however, they are generally present in all instances of domestic violence.

1. Tension building-The cycle of episodic abuse begins with verbally, such as with loud screaming and/or harassment and even a threat of physical assault. At this point, the victim can usually calm the situation by using techniques that he or she has learned from dealing with past and similar experiences. Many victims will deny that their partners are abusing them and make excuses for them in their minds. However, many victims do recognize that these small incidents will generally escalate and lead to a bigger, more dangerous incident. These victims seem to take it upon themselves to keep things running smoothly so as not to aggravate the situation. The victim endures tremendous psychological stress at this stage.

2. The explosion-During stage two of domestic violence, nothing the victim can do or say can stop the violence. All of the tensions from stage one are released. The abuser has no self-control, is in a blind rage, and is oblivious to the damage he or she is inflicting. Severe injury can be done to his or her partner. This phase of the cycle is generally shorter than the other two stages. However, the abuse that a victim endures during this stage is tormenting

3. Remorse-This is the honeymoon or reconciliation stage, characterized by a period of normalcy. The abusive person may appear to be truly repentant, going to great lengths to seek forgiveness. He or she may be remorseful, charming and warm and may assure the victim that the violent behavior will never occur again.

4. Calm- before the tension starts again. The abuser acts like the violence never happened and promises made during honeymoon stage may be met. Gifts are often given to

the victim.

How does the cycle of abuse destroy the victim?

The insidious repetitious wheel of the abuse cycle can and will destroy the victim. Each time the cycle occurs the victim loses more and more of themselves, becoming a different and damaged person. Some destructive effects of constant abuse include:

Not wanting to be at home- spends more time elsewhere

Low self-esteem and feelings of worthlessness

Depression-leading to thoughts of suicide

Emotional problems- shame, emotional highs and lows, emotional numbness

Illness - physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually

Addictions- alcohol and/or drug abuse

Withdrawal- from real life into an alternative reality -possibly the Internet

Break the cycle of abuse

The cycle of abuse can only be broken with outside help. The first step in breaking the cycle is to realize that you are being abused and that it is not your fault. Next, you must consider your personal safety and the safety of your family. Treat safety as an order of first priority. Set boundaries that put you at a distance from the abuser and seek professional help for the two of you.

For more helpful suggestions on personal growth and security see author's information.

Cycle of Abuse - Psychological Effects of Domestic Violence

By: Audrey J Robinson Ph.D




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