subject: The Destructive Potential of Emotional Co-Dependence [print this page] It is far more auspicious to love than to be desired. This is a volitional act performed by an agent in command of his own being, as opposed to an automatic reaction. To love is to give unconditionally, which is to say without expectation or demands. To be desired is a receptive act based entirely upon expectation and demand. This desire is emotional co-dependence, which drives one to always respond, not to others, but to oneself. Emotional co-dependence itself is also a response, a reaction to insecure attachment. It is impelled by a fear of not obtaining or losing approval.
This fear is an entirely internal phenomenon. Here the fallacy is exposed. A person allows a neutral external reality to be perceptually distorted by an internal program, and the internal program is circularly cued by the distorted perception.
Emotional co-dependence is an unfulfillable vacuum, whose feeding remains outside of our control as long as the psychological cause remains misunderstood. It's presence results in negatively compulsive thinking and maladaptive behavior which gains one the opposite of the goal. The installment of a feeling of inadequacy produces a mistrust in the intentions of others. Loyalty can be maintained even to one's own detriment. There are too many disadvantages to be listed, but the destructive potential can be summarized as a constant attempt to fulfill the need's of others while ignoring the fulfillment of one's own needs by oneself, and instead desiring them to be fulfilled by another.
If one wishes to be desired, it is far more conducive to give unconditional love to oneself and others than to require a specific kind of affection from others. It is far better to fulfill one's own needs to grow and become a person more worthy of affection. It may also be helpful to understand that there are languages of love and not everyone speaks the same one. Love may abound and yet go unseen. Regardless, co-dependence exists due to a misunderstanding of love. When one receives an approved sense of desire, they only trigger a feeling of fulfillment. The feeling is a gift given to oneself by oneself. It doesn't require any external circumstance to come alive. Emotional codependents must turn around and seek solace and healing in the one direction they aren't looking: in themselves.
The Destructive Potential of Emotional Co-Dependence
